By Elizabeth Fox, Sex and Sensibilities.com Summer Intern

The inevitable puberty and sex talks can be some of the most dreaded events of a girl’s adolescence. This is true as much for the girl’s mother as for the girl herself—mothers often despair over how to navigate this tricky time without falling flat on their faces. Well mothers, though we can’t be there to hold your hand through this one, we can give you a helpful push in the right direction. Read on for our best advice about how to ensure your daughter ends up safe, sensible, and SaSsy.

(Photo from The Telegraph)

Before we begin:

Below, we’ve broken the process of puberty into five different stages. Though each stage has an average age assigned to it and an average order of events, every girl develops at her own pace. Your daughter’s development may be behind or ahead of her age group, and the stages of her development may not occur exactly as listed, but the information below should give you a basic idea of where she is, where she’s been, and where she’s headed.

Being acquainted yourself with the bodily changes your daughter is going through, will hopefully make you prepared to have The Talk about, ahem, sex.

Stage 0

Puberty is the process by which the body reaches full physical and sexual maturation. During this time, the body experiences radical growth, the mind develops, and secondary sex characteristics (i.e. breasts and wider hips on females, and a low voice and facial hair on males) appear. Before puberty begins, at around ages 8 and 9, it is a good idea to talk to your daughter about the many changes that await her. Explain exactly what will happen to her body in the next few years (for more information on that, read on) and answer any questions she may have.

Stage 1

Puberty begins when an extra burst of hormones from the hypothalamus triggers the development of sex hormones. In girls, this usually occurs around the age of 11, though, as said before, it is also normal if your daughter begins to develop earlier or later. At this time, the clearest sign that puberty has begun is the appearance of breast buds, or small, tender lumps beneath the nipples. The areolas begin to get darker and hair may grow around them. Uneven breast growth is also common, so a girl in the midst of puberty may have one breast bigger than the other.

Within a few months of breast growth, thicker, darker hair usually begins to grow in the pubic area, underarms, and legs. At this time, girls may begin to have acne, which is caused by puberty’s active oil glands, and increased perspiration and body odor.

During this stage, help your daughter adjust to her new body. It is quite possible that she will be embarrassed by her new developments, so only gently offer to talk to her about the changes she is going through. Products such as deodorant/anti-perspirant, face wash, or acne cream may help lessen any embarrassment she feels, as would anything else that allows her to keep up good hygiene. As she has now officially begun puberty, you may want to buy her her first feminine products so she can be prepared when her period comes.

The appearance of acne is often one of the most distressing elements of this time. In an interactive feature entitled the “Daughter Puberty Evaluator”, WebMD, an online medical resource run by trained professionals and advised by trusted medical doctors and psychologists, offers several recommendations on talking to your daughter about acne:

• “Know that there are a lot of myths about acne. Reassure your daughter that breakouts aren’t caused by having bad thoughts, her diet, or by not washing her skin enough.”
• “Clearing up your skin takes time.”
• “Don’t minimize or dismiss your daughter’s feelings about her skin. Acne can cause a lot of despair in some teens.”
• “See a professional. As soon as you notice your daughter picking at her skin, visit a skin professional because she’s at risk for permanent scarring. In addition, if your daughter’s skin is affecting her interactions with people, a visit to the dermatologist may also be in order. Severe acne may also indicate more serious medical problems like polycystic ovarian syndrome, so take it seriously.”

(Image from http://treatmentforacne-fame.blogspot.com)

Stage 2

Within a year after the onset of puberty, or around age 12, the breasts generally enter the second stage of development, softening on both sides and growing beyond the areola. Pubic hair continues to grow coarser, darker, and more numerous. At this time, a girl will generally have a growth spurt. Though she may continue growing into her mid to late teens, this is the body’s major step towards the adult form. The hips widen, the waist narrows, and curves appear, as well as an increase of fat on the stomach, legs, buttocks, and arms. This is all completely normal and is just the body’s natural way of making a girl into a woman, but it is understandable if your daughter becomes self conscious; a certain amount of body griping is to be expected in all adolescents. The best thing you, as her parent, can do in this situation is remind her (without overdoing it) that she is beautiful. Do not draw attention to her changed physical appearance, especially if the changes include increased body fat.

When talking to your daughter about her changing body, WebMD’s “Daughter Puberty Evaluator” recommends these two tips:

1.      If your daughter has gained a lot of weight, “explain that she’s just gearing up for a growth spurt. Girls need healthy weight gain during this time in their lives. Be careful not to make them feel pressure to diet.”

2.      “Remember that how you feel about yourself will be reflected in how your daughter views herself. Think about what you are communicating about body image.”

(Image from http://gladchildhood.blogspot.com)

Stage 3

In another year, at about 13 years old, the breasts would have continued to grow, with the areola and nipple differentiating into a separate mound on top of the breast. Pubic hair also increases and spreads across the pubic triangle. It is at this time, about two to two and a half years after a girl begins puberty, that she can expect her first menstrual period.

The first period occurs, on average, between the ages of 10 and 16 years old. It signifies that a girl has reached physical adulthood and is able to get pregnant. When this happens, we recommend providing your daughter with the supplies necessary to navigate this transition comfortably—pads, tampons, liners, pain relievers, hot compresses–you name it.

As always, offer to talk to your daughter about her changes, perhaps by sharing your own first period story. WebMD’s “Daughter Puberty Evaluator” suggests that you:

• “Tell her how long a period normally lasts and how often they occur.”
• “Let her know what to expect. You can explain that during her period, hormones can cause nausea, cramping, and diarrhea.”
• “Explain sanitary products to her. The choices of sanitary products are dizzying. Explain the different options and discuss the pros and cons of each. Don’t expect your daughter to go shopping with you. Bring some different products home and show her how to use them.”
• “Talk about odors and discharges between periods. Explain to her that normal discharge is her vagina’s way of naturally cleansing itself. Teach her to wipe front to back after using the bathroom to avoid vaginal or bladder infections. Caution your daughter against using douches or feminine sprays. The harsh chemicals these products contain can damage the delicate membranes of her genital region.”
• “Talk about the gynecologist. While women do not need to get a Pap Test/Smear until the age of 21, if your daughter experiences unusually heavy bleeding or severe cramping that causes her to miss out on activities, a visit to the gynecologist may be in order.”

Also, as pregnancy is now a definite possibility, this is a good time to make sure your daughter knows about sex and its consequences. Depending on your daughter, you may have already deemed that talk necessary—and we definitely encourage you to discuss sex with your daughter starting from a young age, adding more information as she gets older.

(Image from http://www.ehow.com)

Stage 4

After a girl has her first period, the breasts gradually finish developing into their full adult form, and pubic hair generally grows to cover the pubic triangle and spread thinly down the thighs and up the abdomen. The patterns of pubic hair, as well as the final shape of breasts, vary radically from woman to woman as much as all our other traits. Every woman has a different body, and as long as she is healthy, your daughter is completely normal. Though your daughter will probably be adjusting to her new body now, always be there for any questions she may have, especially as she could already be entering relationships and becoming sexually intimate with people.

This would actually be the best time to talk to your daughter about responsible sexual behavior and positive sexuality.  We will talk about that more in Part 2 of this article.