sexandsensibilities.com

Written by Ana Santos for Cosmpolitan Philippines
Visuals by Gaby Alegre

“Whore”
“Malandi”

When 18 year old Marta Ramos (not her real name) first received these messages on her mobile, “she thought these were missent and ignored them.

Later, the texts escalated both in gravity and frequency. One message read: “Look at yourself, akala ng mga kasamahan mo sa school at sa parish VIRGIN ka pa. I saw in you in Timog. Ang landi mo.”

Marta got scared. These messages meant that this person was watching her and worse, might even be someone she knows or considers a friend.

Jaylynne (not her real name), 22, was horrified when her friends told her about a Facebook page using her name and pictures. On the profile were status messages inviting men to have cyber sex with her and view her nude pictures.

Marta and Jaylenne were both victims of electronic violence against women (e-VAW), a new form of violence that uses technology such as mobile phones, internet and social media networks to harass, humiliate and degrade a woman.

Technology has made it easier and more convenient to subject women to acts of violence. Social media networks like Twitter and Facebook have also been used to spread damaging images and messages virally.

Violence against women goes tech-savvy

There are just as many forms of e-VAW as there as forms of technology. Familiarize yourself with the various ways technology can be used to violate women and protect yourself.

Cyber or mobile harassment

This is the sending of unwanted sexual messages or images through SMS/MMS or email and also includes uploading of intimate photos or videos on a local network or the Internet. Receiving threatening messages on your mobile phone, email or instant messenger are also forms of cyber / mobile harassment.

Cyber or mobile stalking or surveillance

Involves tracking your whereabouts through your mobile phone using GPS technology.

Unauthorized recording, reproduction, and distribution of images and videos

This is the unauthorized distribution and uploading of images and videos with sexual content through CDs, the Internet, and mobile phones (through SMS/MMS).

Involuntary cyber-prostitution/sex work and trafficking

Cybersex dens and syndicated commercial operations trade sexual services of women and children on-line. Some women are forced into cybersex in exchange for cellphone load or cash transfer.

Online child pornography

Establishments posing as “modeling agencies” and lure women into having sexy videos or images taken for the purpose of selling as cybersex or cyber-voyeur videos.

Indirect e-VAW

The Foundation for Media Alternatives (FMA) and the Take Back the Tech to End Violence Against Women-Philippine Project also cites indirect forms of e-VAW such as:

• The use of sexualized images of women in online games, such as strip poker and earning points for killing prostitutes in video games

• The violation of your privacy rights in social networks like Facebook and Friendster, among others.

What to do and where you can go for help

The most important thing to remember is to keep everything.

As infuriating it might be to have to re-read those texts, it is still evidence. If your friends received disparaging messages or e-mails about you, ask them to keep it, too. They can be your witnesses.

Keep screen shots of websites where your image was used or misused. Track when the harassment started and what form it took. Make a chronological outline and fill with details likes dates, times, phone numbers and email addresses. URLs and SIM numbers can be traced.

Break-up and erase

The United Nations estimates that 95% of aggressive behavior harassment and abusive language and degrading images in on-line spaces are aimed at women and come from partners or former partners. When you break-up, make it a point to erase all suggestive images, photos or videos which could be later be used against you.

Who can help

To file a complaint:

NBI Computer Crimes Unit
Tel # 528.8231 local 3455

Philippine National Police (PNP) Women & Children’s Protection Unit
Mobile # 0919.777.7737

Aleng Pulis is an all-female police task force tasked with handling women-specific crimes. You might already be familiar with them and their police cars brandished with “Aleng Pulis” in pink on its bumpers.

You’ll be happy to know that apart from their catchy police cars–these ladies are equipped with full battle gear and motorcycles.

For crisis counseling

Gabriela
Tel # 514.3452

Women’s Crisis Center
Tel #922.5235

For information:

The Philippines is part of an ongoing global online campaign to fight the use of digital technology as eVAW. Check out http://www.takebackthetech.net/ or http://stopevawph.org for more information.

        

By Ana Santos

SWITZERLAND — On a recent trip to Switzerland, I stayed at a friend’s apartment which was a welcome respite from having to stay in another box of a hotel room.  It also allowed me another benefit:  watching “regular” TV and not being limited to channels that are pre-screened by the hotel.

I was pleasantly shocked by what I saw on TV, almost continuously.
In the middle of the afternoon (maybe even in the morning), there was all this sex and nudity on TV.

And I’m not even talking about the subtle stuff we normally see: the slow music (usually from horn instruments), kissing, exposed neck and shoulders rubbing together and then–before we get too excited–zoom out!  Everything else is left to the imagination.

I think the most daring scenes I ever saw was Miranda revealing one boob to her neighbor and Charlotte showing one boob to an overzealous sailor during Fleet Week, but in Switzerland, they were at it in broad daylight, in the middle of the day, on regular cable TV (not pay per view) going at like bunnies, and in such splendor, and at times, with much bravado.

There was sound–oh, was there sound! There was certainly no absence of grunts, moans and heavy breathing.  There were various positions, some even acrobatic, and to complete the whole caboodle– there was nudity. Yes, boys and girls, only genitalia remained hidden.

May be I shouldn’t have been shocked to see such things in Switzerland. This was after all the sight that greeted me at the bathroom of the Geneva  Airport.

Vending machine for condoms and tampons. One pack costs CHF1, roughly around Php50.

Condoms and tampons at your disposal

Isn’t that such a kind reminder to have a “safe” trip? : )

In the souvenir shops, there were stuffed vibrators for sale and just about every usual souvenir from cups, mugs to calendars was decorated with explicitly sexy illustrations.

Stuffed vibrators that pledge monogamy: “I vibrate only for you.” And yes, they do actually vibrate.

With sex being so omnipresent, just oh, so casual, I felt compelled to research more on the sexual attitudes and behaviors of the Swiss—the nation that is known for being neutral (Swiss history), precise (Swiss watches) and calculating (Swiss banks).

Here are some interesting discoveries:

DRIVE-IN SEX BOXES:

In Zurich, where prostitution continues to be a major problem, sex-boxes have been installed by authorities so that sex workers and their clients can do business discretely hidden from the public eye. A statement issued the police read: “We can’t beat or stop prostitution, but can try to control it.”

SWISS KIDDIE-SIZED CONDOMS

Hotshot Condoms have been created specifically for 12-14 year old boys.  Hotshot costs about (£4.70 ) for a pack of 6 and were produced after government research showed that more 12-14 years olds were having sex compared with the 90s, but were not using sufficient protection when having sex.The study, conducted on behalf of the Federal Commission for Children and Youth, interviewed 1,480 people aged 10 to 20 and found that the average condoms on sale were often too big for these boys, leaving them and their partners, at risk for unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted infection.

Hotshot Condoms are produced by Lamprecht AG, a leading condom manufacturer in Switzerland.

SWITZERLAND IS NAMED ONE OF THE 10 PLACES IN THE WORLD TO HAVE SEX IN 2011

Offtrack.com names The Swiss Chocolate Train as one of its “major panty droppers” for this year.  In your chocolate-induced friskiness, you can ahem, ride the Swiss Chocolate Train from the Swiss town of Montreux to Guyeres for just USD22.

SWISS LUBE

They not only have knives, banks and chocolates branded as “Swiss”, they also have lubricant.  Swiss Navy Lubricant boasts of being the Rolls Royce of lubrications with a “more natural touch and feel–like you are not using any lubrication at all.”

It even has a patented leak proof bottle design with single hand pump for easy one-hand application. They’ve thought of just about everything, haven’t they?

Of course, being the SASsy girl that I am, I had to check out the related teen pregnancy rates and incidence of HIV and AIDS.

SEX EDUCATION STARTS YOUNG

In Switzerland, age of consentis 16 and mandatory sex education is taught in school starting age 10. There is easy and inexpensive, if not free, access to safer sex information and services for the youth.

SWITZERLAND HAS THE LOWEST TEEN PREGNANCY RATE IN WESTERN EUROPE AND ONE OF THE WORLD’S LOWEST RATES OF ABORTION

Guttmacher Institute published a study in 1993 as part of the Swiss Multicentre Adolescent Survey on Health, 5% of 1,726 sexually active adolescents (15-20 years old) in a group of 3,993 had ever been pregnant. This study confirmed Switzerland as having the lowest adolescent fertility rate in Western Europe.

A 2006 article in the Washington Post, which quotes a Swiss healthcare practitioner reaffirms this.

According to Pierre-Andre Michaud, chief of the Multidisciplinary Unit for Adolescent Health at the University of Lausanne Hospital in Switzerland, “Switzerland has one of the world’s lowest rates of abortion and teen pregnancy.”

The article goes on to say:

A 2001 Guttmacher Institute report, drawing on data from 30 countries in Western and Eastern Europe, concluded: “Societal acceptance of sexual activity among young people, combined with comprehensive and balanced information about sexuality and clear expectations about commitment and prevention childbearing and STDs [sexually transmitted diseases] within teenage relationships, are hallmarks of countries with low levels of adolescent pregnancy, childbearing and STDs.” The study cited Sweden as the “clearest of the case-study countries in viewing sexuality among young people as natural and good.”

HIV INCIDENCE IS LOW

According to 2009 data available on Avert.org. Switzerland has a 0.4% adult HIV prevalencerate.  In terms of actual number, this is estimates about 18,000 people living with HIV.Here’s a snapshot of the HIV and AIDS in Switzerland according to the Swiss AIDS Federation:

• In Switzerland there are currently about 25,000 people living with HIV and Aids
• From the start of the epidemic to the end of December 2009, more than 9000 cases of Aids have been notified. Nearly 6000 people have died of the consequences of Aids.
• In 2010, 609 new positive HIV test results were notified. Of these, 25% were women.
• Approx. 44% of all infections are due to heterosexual contacts

To put this in perspective and to compare it to the Philippines:

Source for HIV incidence in the Philippines: DOH HIV Registry as of June 2011 

In terms of number, Switzerland may have four times more PLHIV, but their population is 10 times less than ours.

This led me to conclude either one of two things. One, may be the Swiss are so open about talking about sex more and therefore have less time to have it. Or two, sex was just made so available, that after awhile, it was like my reaction to seeing yet another couple on top of one another on daytime TV. I simply said, almost exasperated, “Again?!” and just changed the channel to watch something else.

        

By Elizabeth Fox, Sex and Sensibilities.com Summer Intern

In our previous article, we talked about the various stages of puberty and the body changes that come with it. When your daughter enters the later stages of puberty and goes into her teen years, would be a good time to talk to her about responsible sexual behavior and positive sexuality.

The “Daughter Puberty Evaluator” advises that you approach this subject as openly as possible and offers some tips. “As your daughter ages, she is bound to be curious about what happens to the female body during sex. While many mothers are ready for the ‘where babies come from’ conversation, many are not ready to talk about orgasms or masturbation. These tips may help with the conversation about her body and sex.”

(Photo from http://www.chesilparent.com)

• “Don’t lead with this conversation. Give your daughter basic information about pregnancy and relationships first. Once you’ve established a regular cadence of discussing these issues, ask her if she has specific questions about what happens to her body during sex.”
• “Explain how hormones take over. Talk to her about the intense urges she will feel, especially when she’s near ovulation. Discuss how hormones play a role in women’s sexuality throughout the month.”
• “Brace yourself for the ‘big O’ question. Let her know that you will answer her questions about the male and female orgasm.”
• “Don’t skip over masturbation. This is the first sexual act most people experience and should not be ignored. Your daughter has likely heard myths about masturbation from friends, so ask if she has any questions. Assure her that masturbation is a natural, normal act.”

Next up, talk about birth control and STIs. WebMD advises:

“No matter how uncomfortable you feel discussing birth control and sexually transmitted diseases, your daughter needs to hear straight facts from you. Once she has started her period, she can get pregnant no matter her age. Yet there is a lot of misinformation floating around about both of these topics.”

• “If you suspect your daughter is sexually active, don’t forget to talk about birth control.”
• “Let your daughter know that even one sexual contact can be enough to become pregnant or contract an STI. Many STIs are symptomless in young men.”
• “Many girls mistakenly think they cannot get STIs via oral sex. Let her know this is not true and that many of the organisms that cause STIs can thrive in mouth and throat.”
• “Let her know that STIs can cause more serious problems. STIs put your daughter at high risk for pelvic inflammatory diseases, cervical cancer, and infertility.”
• “Show your daughter a condom and talk to her about how it is used. Let her know that it is one of the best forms of protection against pregnancy and that unlike other forms of birth control it offers protection against many STIs.”
• “If you want your daughter to start birth control, a visit to the gynecologist is in order. Allow the doctor to talk to your daughter about the pros and cons of hormonal birth control. It’s often easier for a girl to be honest with a skilled professional.”
• “If your daughter is not sexually active but has heavy, painful periods, a birth control discussion may also be in order. Hormonal birth control is sometimes prescribed to regulate periods and reduce cramping and heavy bleeding. Recently doctors have begun prescribing hormone-releasing IUDs for teenage girls.”

(Photo from http://thewayitcouldbe.com)

For some more general advice about how to approach these conversations, here’s another helpful list of suggestions from WebMD’s “Daughter Puberty Evaluator”.

1.      “Be honest if you’re feeling nervous. Tell her that despite your discomfort, you are willing to talk about sex and puberty.
2.      “Ask her what she thinks about a news item you saw or a movie you watched together.
3.      “Let her know it’s OK to ask you questions and that the lines of communication are always open to her.
4.      “Set aside some one-on-one time on a weekly basis.
5.      “Start these conversations on a car ride or on a walk where you have privacy. This can make the conversation seem more natural and go more smoothly.
6.      “Don’t sit down and stare deeply into her eyes, because she’ll likely clam up due to embarrassment and intimidation.
7.      “Resist the temptation to lecture. Listen and ask her opinion or, even less threatening, what her friends think about whatever subject you’re broaching.”

There you have it! Rest assured, this is usually a difficult time for mothers and daughters, and if you are struggling, you are not alone.

Take a deep breath, steady yourself, and know: as long as you have successfully provided your daughter with the information necessary to keep her safe and healthy, there’s no reason to fear. You’ve done your job. You may have a SASsy teenager on your hands now, but pretty soon you’ll have a SASsy woman.

Bibliography

Blondell, Richard D., et al. “Disorders of Puberty”. American Academy of Family Physicians. July 1999.
“Slideshow: The Stages of Puberty”. WebMD. June 17 2010.
“WebMD Daughter Puberty Evaluator”. WebMD. September 27 2010.

        

By Elizabeth Fox, Sex and Sensibilities.com Summer Intern

The inevitable puberty and sex talks can be some of the most dreaded events of a girl’s adolescence. This is true as much for the girl’s mother as for the girl herself—mothers often despair over how to navigate this tricky time without falling flat on their faces. Well mothers, though we can’t be there to hold your hand through this one, we can give you a helpful push in the right direction. Read on for our best advice about how to ensure your daughter ends up safe, sensible, and SaSsy.

(Photo from The Telegraph)

Before we begin:

Below, we’ve broken the process of puberty into five different stages. Though each stage has an average age assigned to it and an average order of events, every girl develops at her own pace. Your daughter’s development may be behind or ahead of her age group, and the stages of her development may not occur exactly as listed, but the information below should give you a basic idea of where she is, where she’s been, and where she’s headed.

Being acquainted yourself with the bodily changes your daughter is going through, will hopefully make you prepared to have The Talk about, ahem, sex.

Stage 0

Puberty is the process by which the body reaches full physical and sexual maturation. During this time, the body experiences radical growth, the mind develops, and secondary sex characteristics (i.e. breasts and wider hips on females, and a low voice and facial hair on males) appear. Before puberty begins, at around ages 8 and 9, it is a good idea to talk to your daughter about the many changes that await her. Explain exactly what will happen to her body in the next few years (for more information on that, read on) and answer any questions she may have.

Stage 1

Puberty begins when an extra burst of hormones from the hypothalamus triggers the development of sex hormones. In girls, this usually occurs around the age of 11, though, as said before, it is also normal if your daughter begins to develop earlier or later. At this time, the clearest sign that puberty has begun is the appearance of breast buds, or small, tender lumps beneath the nipples. The areolas begin to get darker and hair may grow around them. Uneven breast growth is also common, so a girl in the midst of puberty may have one breast bigger than the other.

Within a few months of breast growth, thicker, darker hair usually begins to grow in the pubic area, underarms, and legs. At this time, girls may begin to have acne, which is caused by puberty’s active oil glands, and increased perspiration and body odor.

During this stage, help your daughter adjust to her new body. It is quite possible that she will be embarrassed by her new developments, so only gently offer to talk to her about the changes she is going through. Products such as deodorant/anti-perspirant, face wash, or acne cream may help lessen any embarrassment she feels, as would anything else that allows her to keep up good hygiene. As she has now officially begun puberty, you may want to buy her her first feminine products so she can be prepared when her period comes.

The appearance of acne is often one of the most distressing elements of this time. In an interactive feature entitled the “Daughter Puberty Evaluator”, WebMD, an online medical resource run by trained professionals and advised by trusted medical doctors and psychologists, offers several recommendations on talking to your daughter about acne:

• “Know that there are a lot of myths about acne. Reassure your daughter that breakouts aren’t caused by having bad thoughts, her diet, or by not washing her skin enough.”
• “Clearing up your skin takes time.”
• “Don’t minimize or dismiss your daughter’s feelings about her skin. Acne can cause a lot of despair in some teens.”
• “See a professional. As soon as you notice your daughter picking at her skin, visit a skin professional because she’s at risk for permanent scarring. In addition, if your daughter’s skin is affecting her interactions with people, a visit to the dermatologist may also be in order. Severe acne may also indicate more serious medical problems like polycystic ovarian syndrome, so take it seriously.”

(Image from http://treatmentforacne-fame.blogspot.com)

Stage 2

Within a year after the onset of puberty, or around age 12, the breasts generally enter the second stage of development, softening on both sides and growing beyond the areola. Pubic hair continues to grow coarser, darker, and more numerous. At this time, a girl will generally have a growth spurt. Though she may continue growing into her mid to late teens, this is the body’s major step towards the adult form. The hips widen, the waist narrows, and curves appear, as well as an increase of fat on the stomach, legs, buttocks, and arms. This is all completely normal and is just the body’s natural way of making a girl into a woman, but it is understandable if your daughter becomes self conscious; a certain amount of body griping is to be expected in all adolescents. The best thing you, as her parent, can do in this situation is remind her (without overdoing it) that she is beautiful. Do not draw attention to her changed physical appearance, especially if the changes include increased body fat.

When talking to your daughter about her changing body, WebMD’s “Daughter Puberty Evaluator” recommends these two tips:

1.      If your daughter has gained a lot of weight, “explain that she’s just gearing up for a growth spurt. Girls need healthy weight gain during this time in their lives. Be careful not to make them feel pressure to diet.”

2.      “Remember that how you feel about yourself will be reflected in how your daughter views herself. Think about what you are communicating about body image.”

(Image from http://gladchildhood.blogspot.com)

Stage 3

In another year, at about 13 years old, the breasts would have continued to grow, with the areola and nipple differentiating into a separate mound on top of the breast. Pubic hair also increases and spreads across the pubic triangle. It is at this time, about two to two and a half years after a girl begins puberty, that she can expect her first menstrual period.

The first period occurs, on average, between the ages of 10 and 16 years old. It signifies that a girl has reached physical adulthood and is able to get pregnant. When this happens, we recommend providing your daughter with the supplies necessary to navigate this transition comfortably—pads, tampons, liners, pain relievers, hot compresses–you name it.

As always, offer to talk to your daughter about her changes, perhaps by sharing your own first period story. WebMD’s “Daughter Puberty Evaluator” suggests that you:

• “Tell her how long a period normally lasts and how often they occur.”
• “Let her know what to expect. You can explain that during her period, hormones can cause nausea, cramping, and diarrhea.”
• “Explain sanitary products to her. The choices of sanitary products are dizzying. Explain the different options and discuss the pros and cons of each. Don’t expect your daughter to go shopping with you. Bring some different products home and show her how to use them.”
• “Talk about odors and discharges between periods. Explain to her that normal discharge is her vagina’s way of naturally cleansing itself. Teach her to wipe front to back after using the bathroom to avoid vaginal or bladder infections. Caution your daughter against using douches or feminine sprays. The harsh chemicals these products contain can damage the delicate membranes of her genital region.”
• “Talk about the gynecologist. While women do not need to get a Pap Test/Smear until the age of 21, if your daughter experiences unusually heavy bleeding or severe cramping that causes her to miss out on activities, a visit to the gynecologist may be in order.”

Also, as pregnancy is now a definite possibility, this is a good time to make sure your daughter knows about sex and its consequences. Depending on your daughter, you may have already deemed that talk necessary—and we definitely encourage you to discuss sex with your daughter starting from a young age, adding more information as she gets older.

(Image from http://www.ehow.com)

Stage 4

After a girl has her first period, the breasts gradually finish developing into their full adult form, and pubic hair generally grows to cover the pubic triangle and spread thinly down the thighs and up the abdomen. The patterns of pubic hair, as well as the final shape of breasts, vary radically from woman to woman as much as all our other traits. Every woman has a different body, and as long as she is healthy, your daughter is completely normal. Though your daughter will probably be adjusting to her new body now, always be there for any questions she may have, especially as she could already be entering relationships and becoming sexually intimate with people.

This would actually be the best time to talk to your daughter about responsible sexual behavior and positive sexuality.  We will talk about that more in Part 2 of this article.

        

by Elizabeth Fox, Sex and Sensibilities.com Summer Intern

Here’s what first-timers should expect from their first visit

Stirrups. Paper-covered examination table. Sterilized metal instruments. Latex gloves. The little thing that looks like a duck’s head but actually does something else that you don’t really want to think about—

We’ve all seen it in the movies. A visit to the gynecologist can be awkward, painful, or upsetting—in short, anything but quick and easy. The average woman therefore tends to be a little apprehensive as she prepares for her first pelvic exam. Think you fall into this category? We’ve compiled a brief guide from the trustworthy information of the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), WebMD, and our own SaSsy experiences. Read on to learn what to really expect when you’re due for your first pelvic exam.

Doctors recommend having your first pelvic exam either when you become sexually active or when you reach your late teens, whichever comes first. As you prepare for your first exam, you don’t need to do much. For your own comfort, it may be best to avoid scheduling your appointment when you have your period, and it may also be helpful to write down any questions you have before you go, but otherwise you should be all set.

The exact sequence of events in a pelvic exam varies from doctor to doctor, but your session will look something like this:

First, your doctor will ask you a few questions about your personal history—sexual activity, periods, any medications (such as birth control) relating to your reproductive health, and so on. She may also ask you for a urine sample which can be used to perform a quick pregnancy test and be taken to a lab later to test for STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases).

Next, your doctor may perform a breast exam, gently touching your breasts with her fingers looking for any abnormalities. She will also probably teach you how to do a self-exam of your breasts, an important monthly ritual for every woman.

Finally, your doctor will begin the pelvic exam. For this, you will be asked to lie on the exam table, your bottom at to the edge of the bed and your feet in stirrups. You’ll be wearing a hospital gown, but you will also have a sheet of paper over your legs for privacy. First, your gynecologist will do a quick examination of your vulva to make sure everything looks healthy. Next, she will insert the speculum (the instrument that does look a bit like a duck’s head—but don’t worry, it’s much smaller, often only the size of a super tampon) into your vagina and open it slightly. This holds the vaginal walls apart and allows your gyne to have a good look at the inside of your vagina and cervix and, once again, check to make sure all looks healthy and normal. Then, your doctor will perform your pap smear, the process in which a small sample of cells is taken from your cervix and then tested for abnormalities that could lead to cancer. Your doctor will insert a small brush—it looks a bit like a Q-tip—into your vagina and lightly swab your cervix to take the cell sample. The cells are then sent to a lab, the results of which you should get in a couple weeks.

Finally, your doctor will remove the speculum and perform the last part of the exam, called the bimanual (two hand) exam. In this, she will insert one or two lubricated fingers into your vagina while pressing on your abdomen from the outside with her other hand. This is called “palpating” and allows her to ensure that your uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes are all growth-free, correctly positioned, and normally sized. Once this is over, you should be free to go.

Though the process seems elaborate, rest assured—your gynecologist does this every day and the whole appointment is unbelievably quick. As your exam is performed, it is normal to feel some discomfort. After all, it’s not every day that a stranger palpates your ovaries. Never hesitate to alert your gynecologist when you feel uncomfortable as she may be able to do something to put you more at ease. It is also important to mention any time you feel pain, as that can be an indicator of a problem.

Always remember that no one—not even a doctor—has the right to make you feel uncomfortable, and if you say stop, your doctor must stop. If you think your doctor did something in the appointment that she should not have done, tell someone you trust immediately.

If you’re treated the way you ought to be, however, with time the discomfort should decrease, and someday the whole thing will seem routine. Meanwhile, try to relax, take deep breaths, and reflect on what just ten minutes can do to keep you safe, SaSsy, and healthy down there.

You can also contact Filipinay at 477-5555 or 0917-8231111 for more information.

–

Bibliography

Peri, Camille. “Your First Gynecologic Exam: What to Expect”. WebMD. 2005.
“Your First Gynecologic Visit”. The American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG). May 2010.

Images from She Knows, Women’s Health Info Group and Irish Health; respectively.

        

We came across this anti-rape and sexual health campaign launched by the Ottawa Police and the Rape Crisis Centre and instantly fell in love with it. Called, “Don’t be that guy”, the SASsy, ballsy campaign talks to boys and points out what should be obvious: sex without consent is sexual assault.

We particularly liked the message: Just because she’s drunk, doesn’t mean she wants to fuck.” hitting hard on alcohol related incidents of sexual assault.

Finally, a campaign that tells the boys not to rape, rather than just telling girls not to wear short skirts.  Check out the posters.

To learn more about the campaign, visit sexualassaultvoices.com.

Read more about the “Don’t be that Guy” initiative here.

        

Re-posted from FemaleNetwork.com

By Ana Santos

Can oral sex cause oral cancer among men? Read on to get the new low down on going down.

New research shows that oral cancer(cancer of the mouth) is now more commonly attributed to human papilloma virus (HPV) infection —the same virus that causes cervical cancer in women–rather than tobacco use.

Maura Gillison of Ohio State University has been researching HPV for the last 15 years. She says that recent research has shown a whopping 225 percent increase in incidence of oral cancer among white men from the period 1974 to 2007. And the factor that is causing the rise in HPV infection is the number of partners one has had oral sex with.

“When the number of partners increases, the risk increases,” said Gillison. “Those who have had six or more oral sex partners are eight times more at risk for risk of acquiring HPV-related head or neck cancer than those with fewer than six partners,” she said.

The National Cancer Institute estimates that there are 150 different types of HPV. About 40 types of HPV are sexually transmitted and can cause genital warts; other more high-risk HPV varieties can cause oral, anal, vaginal, and penile cancers.

According to the New England Journal of Medicine, the two existing HPV vaccines (Gardasil and Cervarix) could prevent 90 percent of genital warts in men, as well as anal cancer in men and women.

NO CLEAR LINK FOR MEN

Unlike cervical cancer, which is caused by HPV, much still needs to be done to establish causes of oral cancer. “We can’t demonstrate definitively that certain behaviors are associated with risk of acquiring an infection. The cervical cancer field is 20 years ahead,” Gillison said.

Not many people are aware about common causes of HPV and that it can actually be transmitted through oral sex contributes to this problem.

Bonnie Halpern-Felsher of the University of California, who specializes in teenagers’ attitudes and sexual behaviors, says that teens are at a high risk because of this lack of awareness. “Teens really have no idea that oral sex is related to any outcome like STIs (sexually transmitted infections), HPV, chlamydia, and so on.”

Photo by Rafael Sato via Flickr Creative Commons

SAFER SEX FOR THE MOUTH: HOW YOU AND YOUR PARTNER CAN PROTECT YOURSELVES

Compared to other forms of sexual contact, oral sex has a lower rate of infection—but it is still not 100 percent safe. Here’s how you can protect yourself during oral sex.

1. Use a condom for oral sex. Not many people know that you should also use condoms for oral sex or, worse, even that you can get an STI from performing it. If that seems awkward to you, try using flavored condoms to make it, well, a more tasteful experience.

a. Use a condom for fellatio or dental dam for cunnilingus. As dental dams are not readily available in the Philippines, improvise by making dental dam out of a condom. Cut the top and bottom off the condom, leaving the middle section intact (it’ll look like a tube). Cut up one side of the tube and you have a dental dam.

b. For analingus (oral-anal contact) you can also use a dental dam. Especially with this form of oral sex, you need to be extra careful about cleanliness, so gentle cleaning before engaging in sexual activities is recommended. The key is to be very gentle so as to prevent micro tears in the skin.

2. Change condoms when you shift from one type of sex to another. If you perform oral sex first, get out a fresh condom before proceeding to vaginal sex. This will reduce the risk of tears and rips and the possibility of transferring bacteria from one body part to another.

3. Avoid oral and penetrative contact with partners who have obvious skin breaks in their mouth or genital area. Viruses carried through bodily fluids easily penetrate open wounds, furthering your risk for infection.

4. Avoiding ejaculation into their partners’ mouth can also help reduce risk.

5. Be gentle on your mouth. Don’t floss or brush your teeth before performing oral sex. This can cause tiny crevices in your mouth to open. Also, avoid deep or aggressive thrusting into the mouth and you avoid similar tears in the soft tissues of the throat.

        

By Ana Santos. Re-posted from Female Network.

Curious about what it takes to reach sexual satisfaction? Learn about the whys and how-tos of orgasms.

Photo from Sex and Other Drugs courtesy of 20th Century Fox

There’s a saying that goes, “If you have to ask what an orgasm is, chances are you haven’t had one…yet.” While here may be truth in that saying, a real orgasm isn’t like love, where you just know it. From the knowing to the having, we gathered expert opinions to give us the lowdown on what goes on down there when your toes curl and your back arches.

First, let’s get to the scientific explanation of why your toes curl and your back arches.

Debby Herbenick, sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute and author of Because It Feels Goodexplains, “During arousal, the heart rate can double, blood rushes to the genitals, muscles tighten, and chemicals and hormones such as oxytocin flood the body.”

An orgasm, on the average, lasts for only 20 seconds, and that goes for both men and women. But Herbenick says, “Studies have shown orgasms can reduce stress, improve sleep, decrease the risk of prostate cancer and endometriosis, and bring pain relief.” How’s that for long-term benefits?

NOT ALL WOMEN CAN REACH ORGASM

Yes, you read that right. Unfortunately, not all women can reach orgasm, and a large part of it is due to emotional rather than biological reasons.

“The inability of some women to have orgasms with their partners is often a function of not feeling sufficient love and trust. This is an emotional problem and no amount of sexual gymnastics will solve it,” says Dr. Margarita Holmes, a clinical psychologist and renowned sex therapist.

According to Dr. Holmes, “The solution is to create the sort of relationship within which you can feel the necessary sense of comfort which will allow you to relax and enjoy sex fully.”

PERFORMANCE ANXIETY AFFECTS WELL, PERFORMANCE

Jeremy Baer, a psychotherapist-in-training and the husband of Dr. Holmes, cites a study by Masters and Johnsons that describes performance anxiety as “the fear that what you want to happen won’t.”

“You are so wrapped up in that fear, hoping your body responds the way it’s ‘supposed to’ that you end up watching your body, willing it to perform ‘as it should’ instead of enjoying your lovemaking,” says Baer.

THINGS YOU’LL NEED

Baer points to additional research that shows that most women require two things to be able to have an orgasm:

1. A relationship which fosters trust and safety, and
2. Sufficient foreplay

“Studies show that most women need at least 20 minutes of foreplay before they are ready for penetration. These studies were of women who read Cosmopolitan whom one can presume to be more sophisticated and modern. What more therefore for women who are less so?” states Baer.

Photo by terminallychll via Flickr Creative Commons

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT
But the good news is, reaching an orgasm can be achieved through practice (how’s that for research?) and, well, getting to know your body–what it likes and what stimuli it best responds to.

“Frequency of lovemaking, more enjoyment of sex and orgasms are closely correlated,” says Dr. Holmes, who offers three methods which can help a woman achieve orgasm:

1. Woman on top.

This has two significant benefits. It aligns the woman’s vagina so that there is contact between the penis and clitoris, and in addition it gives the woman control over the lovemaking so that she can adjust her position as she desires.

2. CAT (clitoral alignment technique)

Here, the man lies missionary-style on top of the woman and moves forward and backward, thus maximizing the friction on the clitoris.

3. Tao of Love and Sex

This technique is the least easy to explain and the most difficult to master. In essence, it requires the man to avoid ejaculation, thus enabling him to continue to make love for extended periods.

Baer explains further by adding, “It is especially helpful as men get older and no longer enjoy the short refractory period of their youth.” The refractory period is the time between last ejaculation and next erection and is a matter of seconds or minutes for young men, gradually lengthening with age and often reaching several days for men over 75.

So even if you don’t get it right the first time, there’s always a good excuse to practice, practice, practice until you get it right. And when you get it right, you’ll know it from the tingling of your scalp all the way down to the curling of your toes.

        

Re-posted from Female Network.

Health officials in the UK promote the pleasures of sex to students.

Here in the Philippines, sex among minors is frowned upon. In fact, the topic is so taboo in national discourse that even our own government doesn’t speak up enough about safe sex and birth control!

In the UK, however, health officials actually promote to teens the pleasures of sex, despite their country having the highest rate of teen pregnancy in Europe.

The Sheffield branch of Britain’s National Health Service has begun making the rounds in schools todistribute leaflets that talk about the joys of sex and masturbation. As Times Online reports, the leaflet, called “Pleasure,” informs the youth that they have every right to enjoy a randy sex life.

In fact, the leaflet also lauds the benefits regular sex has on one’s cardiovascular health! It bears the cheeky pro-sex slogan, “An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away.”

The advocates of “Pleasure” defend their bold stance by saying that experts have been focusing too much and too long on the need for safe sex without acknowledging the main reason why people actually engage in sex, which is pleasure. They say that by educating teens on the intricate wonders of sex, they may even encourage youngsters to put their sex lives on hold until they are finally ready to take that pleasurable plunge.

Photo from http://www.sxc.hu

        

By Ana Santos. Re-posted from Female Network.

What do you when he wants more and you don’t.

It happens to the best of us.

From going on and on like the Energizer bunny, we suddenly become ho-hum about sex. From not being able to keep your hands off one another to rolling over and feigning a headache or finding sleep more enjoyable than having to take your clothes off and perform.

And it’s sometimes not you who’s rolling over, it’s him.

According to the article “Sex-Starved Wives” in Time.com, “the person with the lower sex drive controls the sexual relationship. There’s an unspoken agreement: the person with the lower desire expects his or her spouse to accept it, not complain about it, and also to be monogamous.”

Whether it’s you or him who’s putting up the Do Not Disturb sign, here’s what to do to balance out the inequality in the sexual desire department.

1. DIAGNOSE THE PROBLEM

Dr. Phil, Oprah’s favorite expert on most matters sexual and psychological, suggestsexamining your lifestyleand make sure that you are carving out time to have sex with your partner.

“Sexuality is a pattern, something that needs to happen on an ongoing basis or else other things will crowd it out. Like the old adage: Use it or lose it,” says Dr. Phil. He’s got a point there. They say that the brain is the biggest sex organ, and if your sexual pattern is starting to resemble a list of reasons why you don’t want to have sex, then your body will just shut down.

Rather than shutting down, why not shut off your brain a little bit and let your bodynaturally respond to the amorous advances of your partner, as it was meant to. Focus on the feel of your honey’s caress and the feel of his lips on your skin and see how your body involuntarily reacts to it. You may surprise yourself with how turned on you get.

(Photo courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons