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By Elizabeth Fox, Sex and Sensibilities.com Summer Intern

In our previous article, we talked about the various stages of puberty and the body changes that come with it. When your daughter enters the later stages of puberty and goes into her teen years, would be a good time to talk to her about responsible sexual behavior and positive sexuality.

The “Daughter Puberty Evaluator” advises that you approach this subject as openly as possible and offers some tips. “As your daughter ages, she is bound to be curious about what happens to the female body during sex. While many mothers are ready for the ‘where babies come from’ conversation, many are not ready to talk about orgasms or masturbation. These tips may help with the conversation about her body and sex.”

(Photo from http://www.chesilparent.com)

• “Don’t lead with this conversation. Give your daughter basic information about pregnancy and relationships first. Once you’ve established a regular cadence of discussing these issues, ask her if she has specific questions about what happens to her body during sex.”
• “Explain how hormones take over. Talk to her about the intense urges she will feel, especially when she’s near ovulation. Discuss how hormones play a role in women’s sexuality throughout the month.”
• “Brace yourself for the ‘big O’ question. Let her know that you will answer her questions about the male and female orgasm.”
• “Don’t skip over masturbation. This is the first sexual act most people experience and should not be ignored. Your daughter has likely heard myths about masturbation from friends, so ask if she has any questions. Assure her that masturbation is a natural, normal act.”

Next up, talk about birth control and STIs. WebMD advises:

“No matter how uncomfortable you feel discussing birth control and sexually transmitted diseases, your daughter needs to hear straight facts from you. Once she has started her period, she can get pregnant no matter her age. Yet there is a lot of misinformation floating around about both of these topics.”

• “If you suspect your daughter is sexually active, don’t forget to talk about birth control.”
• “Let your daughter know that even one sexual contact can be enough to become pregnant or contract an STI. Many STIs are symptomless in young men.”
• “Many girls mistakenly think they cannot get STIs via oral sex. Let her know this is not true and that many of the organisms that cause STIs can thrive in mouth and throat.”
• “Let her know that STIs can cause more serious problems. STIs put your daughter at high risk for pelvic inflammatory diseases, cervical cancer, and infertility.”
• “Show your daughter a condom and talk to her about how it is used. Let her know that it is one of the best forms of protection against pregnancy and that unlike other forms of birth control it offers protection against many STIs.”
• “If you want your daughter to start birth control, a visit to the gynecologist is in order. Allow the doctor to talk to your daughter about the pros and cons of hormonal birth control. It’s often easier for a girl to be honest with a skilled professional.”
• “If your daughter is not sexually active but has heavy, painful periods, a birth control discussion may also be in order. Hormonal birth control is sometimes prescribed to regulate periods and reduce cramping and heavy bleeding. Recently doctors have begun prescribing hormone-releasing IUDs for teenage girls.”

(Photo from http://thewayitcouldbe.com)

For some more general advice about how to approach these conversations, here’s another helpful list of suggestions from WebMD’s “Daughter Puberty Evaluator”.

1.      “Be honest if you’re feeling nervous. Tell her that despite your discomfort, you are willing to talk about sex and puberty.
2.      “Ask her what she thinks about a news item you saw or a movie you watched together.
3.      “Let her know it’s OK to ask you questions and that the lines of communication are always open to her.
4.      “Set aside some one-on-one time on a weekly basis.
5.      “Start these conversations on a car ride or on a walk where you have privacy. This can make the conversation seem more natural and go more smoothly.
6.      “Don’t sit down and stare deeply into her eyes, because she’ll likely clam up due to embarrassment and intimidation.
7.      “Resist the temptation to lecture. Listen and ask her opinion or, even less threatening, what her friends think about whatever subject you’re broaching.”

There you have it! Rest assured, this is usually a difficult time for mothers and daughters, and if you are struggling, you are not alone.

Take a deep breath, steady yourself, and know: as long as you have successfully provided your daughter with the information necessary to keep her safe and healthy, there’s no reason to fear. You’ve done your job. You may have a SASsy teenager on your hands now, but pretty soon you’ll have a SASsy woman.

Bibliography

Blondell, Richard D., et al. “Disorders of Puberty”. American Academy of Family Physicians. July 1999.
“Slideshow: The Stages of Puberty”. WebMD. June 17 2010.
“WebMD Daughter Puberty Evaluator”. WebMD. September 27 2010.

        

By Elizabeth Fox, Sex and Sensibilities.com Summer Intern

The inevitable puberty and sex talks can be some of the most dreaded events of a girl’s adolescence. This is true as much for the girl’s mother as for the girl herself—mothers often despair over how to navigate this tricky time without falling flat on their faces. Well mothers, though we can’t be there to hold your hand through this one, we can give you a helpful push in the right direction. Read on for our best advice about how to ensure your daughter ends up safe, sensible, and SaSsy.

(Photo from The Telegraph)

Before we begin:

Below, we’ve broken the process of puberty into five different stages. Though each stage has an average age assigned to it and an average order of events, every girl develops at her own pace. Your daughter’s development may be behind or ahead of her age group, and the stages of her development may not occur exactly as listed, but the information below should give you a basic idea of where she is, where she’s been, and where she’s headed.

Being acquainted yourself with the bodily changes your daughter is going through, will hopefully make you prepared to have The Talk about, ahem, sex.

Stage 0

Puberty is the process by which the body reaches full physical and sexual maturation. During this time, the body experiences radical growth, the mind develops, and secondary sex characteristics (i.e. breasts and wider hips on females, and a low voice and facial hair on males) appear. Before puberty begins, at around ages 8 and 9, it is a good idea to talk to your daughter about the many changes that await her. Explain exactly what will happen to her body in the next few years (for more information on that, read on) and answer any questions she may have.

Stage 1

Puberty begins when an extra burst of hormones from the hypothalamus triggers the development of sex hormones. In girls, this usually occurs around the age of 11, though, as said before, it is also normal if your daughter begins to develop earlier or later. At this time, the clearest sign that puberty has begun is the appearance of breast buds, or small, tender lumps beneath the nipples. The areolas begin to get darker and hair may grow around them. Uneven breast growth is also common, so a girl in the midst of puberty may have one breast bigger than the other.

Within a few months of breast growth, thicker, darker hair usually begins to grow in the pubic area, underarms, and legs. At this time, girls may begin to have acne, which is caused by puberty’s active oil glands, and increased perspiration and body odor.

During this stage, help your daughter adjust to her new body. It is quite possible that she will be embarrassed by her new developments, so only gently offer to talk to her about the changes she is going through. Products such as deodorant/anti-perspirant, face wash, or acne cream may help lessen any embarrassment she feels, as would anything else that allows her to keep up good hygiene. As she has now officially begun puberty, you may want to buy her her first feminine products so she can be prepared when her period comes.

The appearance of acne is often one of the most distressing elements of this time. In an interactive feature entitled the “Daughter Puberty Evaluator”, WebMD, an online medical resource run by trained professionals and advised by trusted medical doctors and psychologists, offers several recommendations on talking to your daughter about acne:

• “Know that there are a lot of myths about acne. Reassure your daughter that breakouts aren’t caused by having bad thoughts, her diet, or by not washing her skin enough.”
• “Clearing up your skin takes time.”
• “Don’t minimize or dismiss your daughter’s feelings about her skin. Acne can cause a lot of despair in some teens.”
• “See a professional. As soon as you notice your daughter picking at her skin, visit a skin professional because she’s at risk for permanent scarring. In addition, if your daughter’s skin is affecting her interactions with people, a visit to the dermatologist may also be in order. Severe acne may also indicate more serious medical problems like polycystic ovarian syndrome, so take it seriously.”

(Image from http://treatmentforacne-fame.blogspot.com)

Stage 2

Within a year after the onset of puberty, or around age 12, the breasts generally enter the second stage of development, softening on both sides and growing beyond the areola. Pubic hair continues to grow coarser, darker, and more numerous. At this time, a girl will generally have a growth spurt. Though she may continue growing into her mid to late teens, this is the body’s major step towards the adult form. The hips widen, the waist narrows, and curves appear, as well as an increase of fat on the stomach, legs, buttocks, and arms. This is all completely normal and is just the body’s natural way of making a girl into a woman, but it is understandable if your daughter becomes self conscious; a certain amount of body griping is to be expected in all adolescents. The best thing you, as her parent, can do in this situation is remind her (without overdoing it) that she is beautiful. Do not draw attention to her changed physical appearance, especially if the changes include increased body fat.

When talking to your daughter about her changing body, WebMD’s “Daughter Puberty Evaluator” recommends these two tips:

1.      If your daughter has gained a lot of weight, “explain that she’s just gearing up for a growth spurt. Girls need healthy weight gain during this time in their lives. Be careful not to make them feel pressure to diet.”

2.      “Remember that how you feel about yourself will be reflected in how your daughter views herself. Think about what you are communicating about body image.”

(Image from http://gladchildhood.blogspot.com)

Stage 3

In another year, at about 13 years old, the breasts would have continued to grow, with the areola and nipple differentiating into a separate mound on top of the breast. Pubic hair also increases and spreads across the pubic triangle. It is at this time, about two to two and a half years after a girl begins puberty, that she can expect her first menstrual period.

The first period occurs, on average, between the ages of 10 and 16 years old. It signifies that a girl has reached physical adulthood and is able to get pregnant. When this happens, we recommend providing your daughter with the supplies necessary to navigate this transition comfortably—pads, tampons, liners, pain relievers, hot compresses–you name it.

As always, offer to talk to your daughter about her changes, perhaps by sharing your own first period story. WebMD’s “Daughter Puberty Evaluator” suggests that you:

• “Tell her how long a period normally lasts and how often they occur.”
• “Let her know what to expect. You can explain that during her period, hormones can cause nausea, cramping, and diarrhea.”
• “Explain sanitary products to her. The choices of sanitary products are dizzying. Explain the different options and discuss the pros and cons of each. Don’t expect your daughter to go shopping with you. Bring some different products home and show her how to use them.”
• “Talk about odors and discharges between periods. Explain to her that normal discharge is her vagina’s way of naturally cleansing itself. Teach her to wipe front to back after using the bathroom to avoid vaginal or bladder infections. Caution your daughter against using douches or feminine sprays. The harsh chemicals these products contain can damage the delicate membranes of her genital region.”
• “Talk about the gynecologist. While women do not need to get a Pap Test/Smear until the age of 21, if your daughter experiences unusually heavy bleeding or severe cramping that causes her to miss out on activities, a visit to the gynecologist may be in order.”

Also, as pregnancy is now a definite possibility, this is a good time to make sure your daughter knows about sex and its consequences. Depending on your daughter, you may have already deemed that talk necessary—and we definitely encourage you to discuss sex with your daughter starting from a young age, adding more information as she gets older.

(Image from http://www.ehow.com)

Stage 4

After a girl has her first period, the breasts gradually finish developing into their full adult form, and pubic hair generally grows to cover the pubic triangle and spread thinly down the thighs and up the abdomen. The patterns of pubic hair, as well as the final shape of breasts, vary radically from woman to woman as much as all our other traits. Every woman has a different body, and as long as she is healthy, your daughter is completely normal. Though your daughter will probably be adjusting to her new body now, always be there for any questions she may have, especially as she could already be entering relationships and becoming sexually intimate with people.

This would actually be the best time to talk to your daughter about responsible sexual behavior and positive sexuality.  We will talk about that more in Part 2 of this article.

        

by Elizabeth Fox, Sex and Sensibilities.com Summer Intern

Here’s what first-timers should expect from their first visit

Stirrups. Paper-covered examination table. Sterilized metal instruments. Latex gloves. The little thing that looks like a duck’s head but actually does something else that you don’t really want to think about—

We’ve all seen it in the movies. A visit to the gynecologist can be awkward, painful, or upsetting—in short, anything but quick and easy. The average woman therefore tends to be a little apprehensive as she prepares for her first pelvic exam. Think you fall into this category? We’ve compiled a brief guide from the trustworthy information of the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), WebMD, and our own SaSsy experiences. Read on to learn what to really expect when you’re due for your first pelvic exam.

Doctors recommend having your first pelvic exam either when you become sexually active or when you reach your late teens, whichever comes first. As you prepare for your first exam, you don’t need to do much. For your own comfort, it may be best to avoid scheduling your appointment when you have your period, and it may also be helpful to write down any questions you have before you go, but otherwise you should be all set.

The exact sequence of events in a pelvic exam varies from doctor to doctor, but your session will look something like this:

First, your doctor will ask you a few questions about your personal history—sexual activity, periods, any medications (such as birth control) relating to your reproductive health, and so on. She may also ask you for a urine sample which can be used to perform a quick pregnancy test and be taken to a lab later to test for STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases).

Next, your doctor may perform a breast exam, gently touching your breasts with her fingers looking for any abnormalities. She will also probably teach you how to do a self-exam of your breasts, an important monthly ritual for every woman.

Finally, your doctor will begin the pelvic exam. For this, you will be asked to lie on the exam table, your bottom at to the edge of the bed and your feet in stirrups. You’ll be wearing a hospital gown, but you will also have a sheet of paper over your legs for privacy. First, your gynecologist will do a quick examination of your vulva to make sure everything looks healthy. Next, she will insert the speculum (the instrument that does look a bit like a duck’s head—but don’t worry, it’s much smaller, often only the size of a super tampon) into your vagina and open it slightly. This holds the vaginal walls apart and allows your gyne to have a good look at the inside of your vagina and cervix and, once again, check to make sure all looks healthy and normal. Then, your doctor will perform your pap smear, the process in which a small sample of cells is taken from your cervix and then tested for abnormalities that could lead to cancer. Your doctor will insert a small brush—it looks a bit like a Q-tip—into your vagina and lightly swab your cervix to take the cell sample. The cells are then sent to a lab, the results of which you should get in a couple weeks.

Finally, your doctor will remove the speculum and perform the last part of the exam, called the bimanual (two hand) exam. In this, she will insert one or two lubricated fingers into your vagina while pressing on your abdomen from the outside with her other hand. This is called “palpating” and allows her to ensure that your uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes are all growth-free, correctly positioned, and normally sized. Once this is over, you should be free to go.

Though the process seems elaborate, rest assured—your gynecologist does this every day and the whole appointment is unbelievably quick. As your exam is performed, it is normal to feel some discomfort. After all, it’s not every day that a stranger palpates your ovaries. Never hesitate to alert your gynecologist when you feel uncomfortable as she may be able to do something to put you more at ease. It is also important to mention any time you feel pain, as that can be an indicator of a problem.

Always remember that no one—not even a doctor—has the right to make you feel uncomfortable, and if you say stop, your doctor must stop. If you think your doctor did something in the appointment that she should not have done, tell someone you trust immediately.

If you’re treated the way you ought to be, however, with time the discomfort should decrease, and someday the whole thing will seem routine. Meanwhile, try to relax, take deep breaths, and reflect on what just ten minutes can do to keep you safe, SaSsy, and healthy down there.

You can also contact Filipinay at 477-5555 or 0917-8231111 for more information.

–

Bibliography

Peri, Camille. “Your First Gynecologic Exam: What to Expect”. WebMD. 2005.
“Your First Gynecologic Visit”. The American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG). May 2010.

Images from She Knows, Women’s Health Info Group and Irish Health; respectively.

        

We came across this anti-rape and sexual health campaign launched by the Ottawa Police and the Rape Crisis Centre and instantly fell in love with it. Called, “Don’t be that guy”, the SASsy, ballsy campaign talks to boys and points out what should be obvious: sex without consent is sexual assault.

We particularly liked the message: Just because she’s drunk, doesn’t mean she wants to fuck.” hitting hard on alcohol related incidents of sexual assault.

Finally, a campaign that tells the boys not to rape, rather than just telling girls not to wear short skirts.  Check out the posters.

To learn more about the campaign, visit sexualassaultvoices.com.

Read more about the “Don’t be that Guy” initiative here.

        

Re-posted from FemaleNetwork.com

By Ana Santos

Can oral sex cause oral cancer among men? Read on to get the new low down on going down.

New research shows that oral cancer(cancer of the mouth) is now more commonly attributed to human papilloma virus (HPV) infection —the same virus that causes cervical cancer in women–rather than tobacco use.

Maura Gillison of Ohio State University has been researching HPV for the last 15 years. She says that recent research has shown a whopping 225 percent increase in incidence of oral cancer among white men from the period 1974 to 2007. And the factor that is causing the rise in HPV infection is the number of partners one has had oral sex with.

“When the number of partners increases, the risk increases,” said Gillison. “Those who have had six or more oral sex partners are eight times more at risk for risk of acquiring HPV-related head or neck cancer than those with fewer than six partners,” she said.

The National Cancer Institute estimates that there are 150 different types of HPV. About 40 types of HPV are sexually transmitted and can cause genital warts; other more high-risk HPV varieties can cause oral, anal, vaginal, and penile cancers.

According to the New England Journal of Medicine, the two existing HPV vaccines (Gardasil and Cervarix) could prevent 90 percent of genital warts in men, as well as anal cancer in men and women.

NO CLEAR LINK FOR MEN

Unlike cervical cancer, which is caused by HPV, much still needs to be done to establish causes of oral cancer. “We can’t demonstrate definitively that certain behaviors are associated with risk of acquiring an infection. The cervical cancer field is 20 years ahead,” Gillison said.

Not many people are aware about common causes of HPV and that it can actually be transmitted through oral sex contributes to this problem.

Bonnie Halpern-Felsher of the University of California, who specializes in teenagers’ attitudes and sexual behaviors, says that teens are at a high risk because of this lack of awareness. “Teens really have no idea that oral sex is related to any outcome like STIs (sexually transmitted infections), HPV, chlamydia, and so on.”

Photo by Rafael Sato via Flickr Creative Commons

SAFER SEX FOR THE MOUTH: HOW YOU AND YOUR PARTNER CAN PROTECT YOURSELVES

Compared to other forms of sexual contact, oral sex has a lower rate of infection—but it is still not 100 percent safe. Here’s how you can protect yourself during oral sex.

1. Use a condom for oral sex. Not many people know that you should also use condoms for oral sex or, worse, even that you can get an STI from performing it. If that seems awkward to you, try using flavored condoms to make it, well, a more tasteful experience.

a. Use a condom for fellatio or dental dam for cunnilingus. As dental dams are not readily available in the Philippines, improvise by making dental dam out of a condom. Cut the top and bottom off the condom, leaving the middle section intact (it’ll look like a tube). Cut up one side of the tube and you have a dental dam.

b. For analingus (oral-anal contact) you can also use a dental dam. Especially with this form of oral sex, you need to be extra careful about cleanliness, so gentle cleaning before engaging in sexual activities is recommended. The key is to be very gentle so as to prevent micro tears in the skin.

2. Change condoms when you shift from one type of sex to another. If you perform oral sex first, get out a fresh condom before proceeding to vaginal sex. This will reduce the risk of tears and rips and the possibility of transferring bacteria from one body part to another.

3. Avoid oral and penetrative contact with partners who have obvious skin breaks in their mouth or genital area. Viruses carried through bodily fluids easily penetrate open wounds, furthering your risk for infection.

4. Avoiding ejaculation into their partners’ mouth can also help reduce risk.

5. Be gentle on your mouth. Don’t floss or brush your teeth before performing oral sex. This can cause tiny crevices in your mouth to open. Also, avoid deep or aggressive thrusting into the mouth and you avoid similar tears in the soft tissues of the throat.

        

By Ana Santos. Re-posted from Female Network.

Curious about what it takes to reach sexual satisfaction? Learn about the whys and how-tos of orgasms.

Photo from Sex and Other Drugs courtesy of 20th Century Fox

There’s a saying that goes, “If you have to ask what an orgasm is, chances are you haven’t had one…yet.” While here may be truth in that saying, a real orgasm isn’t like love, where you just know it. From the knowing to the having, we gathered expert opinions to give us the lowdown on what goes on down there when your toes curl and your back arches.

First, let’s get to the scientific explanation of why your toes curl and your back arches.

Debby Herbenick, sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute and author of Because It Feels Goodexplains, “During arousal, the heart rate can double, blood rushes to the genitals, muscles tighten, and chemicals and hormones such as oxytocin flood the body.”

An orgasm, on the average, lasts for only 20 seconds, and that goes for both men and women. But Herbenick says, “Studies have shown orgasms can reduce stress, improve sleep, decrease the risk of prostate cancer and endometriosis, and bring pain relief.” How’s that for long-term benefits?

NOT ALL WOMEN CAN REACH ORGASM

Yes, you read that right. Unfortunately, not all women can reach orgasm, and a large part of it is due to emotional rather than biological reasons.

“The inability of some women to have orgasms with their partners is often a function of not feeling sufficient love and trust. This is an emotional problem and no amount of sexual gymnastics will solve it,” says Dr. Margarita Holmes, a clinical psychologist and renowned sex therapist.

According to Dr. Holmes, “The solution is to create the sort of relationship within which you can feel the necessary sense of comfort which will allow you to relax and enjoy sex fully.”

PERFORMANCE ANXIETY AFFECTS WELL, PERFORMANCE

Jeremy Baer, a psychotherapist-in-training and the husband of Dr. Holmes, cites a study by Masters and Johnsons that describes performance anxiety as “the fear that what you want to happen won’t.”

“You are so wrapped up in that fear, hoping your body responds the way it’s ‘supposed to’ that you end up watching your body, willing it to perform ‘as it should’ instead of enjoying your lovemaking,” says Baer.

THINGS YOU’LL NEED

Baer points to additional research that shows that most women require two things to be able to have an orgasm:

1. A relationship which fosters trust and safety, and
2. Sufficient foreplay

“Studies show that most women need at least 20 minutes of foreplay before they are ready for penetration. These studies were of women who read Cosmopolitan whom one can presume to be more sophisticated and modern. What more therefore for women who are less so?” states Baer.

Photo by terminallychll via Flickr Creative Commons

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT
But the good news is, reaching an orgasm can be achieved through practice (how’s that for research?) and, well, getting to know your body–what it likes and what stimuli it best responds to.

“Frequency of lovemaking, more enjoyment of sex and orgasms are closely correlated,” says Dr. Holmes, who offers three methods which can help a woman achieve orgasm:

1. Woman on top.

This has two significant benefits. It aligns the woman’s vagina so that there is contact between the penis and clitoris, and in addition it gives the woman control over the lovemaking so that she can adjust her position as she desires.

2. CAT (clitoral alignment technique)

Here, the man lies missionary-style on top of the woman and moves forward and backward, thus maximizing the friction on the clitoris.

3. Tao of Love and Sex

This technique is the least easy to explain and the most difficult to master. In essence, it requires the man to avoid ejaculation, thus enabling him to continue to make love for extended periods.

Baer explains further by adding, “It is especially helpful as men get older and no longer enjoy the short refractory period of their youth.” The refractory period is the time between last ejaculation and next erection and is a matter of seconds or minutes for young men, gradually lengthening with age and often reaching several days for men over 75.

So even if you don’t get it right the first time, there’s always a good excuse to practice, practice, practice until you get it right. And when you get it right, you’ll know it from the tingling of your scalp all the way down to the curling of your toes.

        

Re-posted from Female Network.

Health officials in the UK promote the pleasures of sex to students.

Here in the Philippines, sex among minors is frowned upon. In fact, the topic is so taboo in national discourse that even our own government doesn’t speak up enough about safe sex and birth control!

In the UK, however, health officials actually promote to teens the pleasures of sex, despite their country having the highest rate of teen pregnancy in Europe.

The Sheffield branch of Britain’s National Health Service has begun making the rounds in schools todistribute leaflets that talk about the joys of sex and masturbation. As Times Online reports, the leaflet, called “Pleasure,” informs the youth that they have every right to enjoy a randy sex life.

In fact, the leaflet also lauds the benefits regular sex has on one’s cardiovascular health! It bears the cheeky pro-sex slogan, “An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away.”

The advocates of “Pleasure” defend their bold stance by saying that experts have been focusing too much and too long on the need for safe sex without acknowledging the main reason why people actually engage in sex, which is pleasure. They say that by educating teens on the intricate wonders of sex, they may even encourage youngsters to put their sex lives on hold until they are finally ready to take that pleasurable plunge.

Photo from http://www.sxc.hu

        

By Ana Santos. Re-posted from Female Network.

What do you when he wants more and you don’t.

It happens to the best of us.

From going on and on like the Energizer bunny, we suddenly become ho-hum about sex. From not being able to keep your hands off one another to rolling over and feigning a headache or finding sleep more enjoyable than having to take your clothes off and perform.

And it’s sometimes not you who’s rolling over, it’s him.

According to the article “Sex-Starved Wives” in Time.com, “the person with the lower sex drive controls the sexual relationship. There’s an unspoken agreement: the person with the lower desire expects his or her spouse to accept it, not complain about it, and also to be monogamous.”

Whether it’s you or him who’s putting up the Do Not Disturb sign, here’s what to do to balance out the inequality in the sexual desire department.

1. DIAGNOSE THE PROBLEM

Dr. Phil, Oprah’s favorite expert on most matters sexual and psychological, suggestsexamining your lifestyleand make sure that you are carving out time to have sex with your partner.

“Sexuality is a pattern, something that needs to happen on an ongoing basis or else other things will crowd it out. Like the old adage: Use it or lose it,” says Dr. Phil. He’s got a point there. They say that the brain is the biggest sex organ, and if your sexual pattern is starting to resemble a list of reasons why you don’t want to have sex, then your body will just shut down.

Rather than shutting down, why not shut off your brain a little bit and let your bodynaturally respond to the amorous advances of your partner, as it was meant to. Focus on the feel of your honey’s caress and the feel of his lips on your skin and see how your body involuntarily reacts to it. You may surprise yourself with how turned on you get.

(Photo courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons

        

Re-posted from Live Science

Are you infected?

At least 50 percent of sexually active men and women will have a genital HPV infection at some point in their lives. HPV, or human papillomavirus, comes in both low- and high-risk forms; low-risk HPV can cause genital warts, and high-risk can cause cervical and other cancers. In 90 percent of cases, the body’s immune system will fight off the disease within two years.

Source: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Did you take maternity leave?

Two-thirds of women who had their first baby between 2001 and 2003 worked during their pregnancy, and 80 percent of those women worked within one month or less of giving birth. Compare this to the period between 1961 and 1965, when 44 percent of women worked during their pregnancy (35 percent worked one month or less before delivering).

Source: U.S. Census

How many sex partners have you had?

What’s your number? According to a survey of adults aged 20 to 59, women have an average of four sex partners during their lifetime; men have an average of seven.

Source: National Center for Health Statistics

Do you get fringe benefits?

Photo Credit: Pleasure her tonight

Two-thirds of college students have been in a “friends with benefits\” relationship, citing the lack of commitment required as the main advantage to such an arrangement. More than half of those who had sex with a friend said they had engaged in all forms of sex; 22.7 percent said they had intercourse only, while 8 percent said they did everything but have intercourse.

Source: Wayne State University and Michigan State University

Do you reach orgasm every time?

Photo Credit: Zelda Lily

While 75 percent of men always reach orgasm during sex, only 29 percent of women report the same. In addition, most women are unable to climax through vaginal intercourse, instead needing clitoral stimulation.

Source: National Health and Social Life Survey

Do you have a comfortable couch?

Photo Credit: D’ Living Room

About one out of 10 married adults – 12 percent – say that they typically sleep alone.

Source: National Sleep Foundation

When did you lose your virginity?

The average male loses his virginity at age 16.9; females average slightly older, at 17.4. And a new study shows that genetics may be a factor: inherited traits, such as impulsivity, can make a person more or less willing to have sex at an earlier age.

Sources: Kinsey Institute; California State University

Do you need assistance?

Photo Credit: Ayushveda

Approximately 5 percent of 40-year-old men and between 15 to 25 percent of 65-year-old men experience erectile dysfunction.

Source: National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases

Does size matter?

Photo Credit: BuzzNights

Relax, guys. No matter what those, ahem, movies might suggest, in the United States, the average erect penis is five to seven inches long, and four to six inches in circumference.

Source: Kinsey Institute

Why do you do it?

Sure, there’s the obvious. But there’s also an argument for men’s biological drive to perpetuate their genes: An 18th-century Russian woman holds the world record for having birthed the most children: 69, which she had over the course of 27 pregnancies that included sixteen pairs of twins, seven sets of triplets, and four sets of quadruplets. But she’s outdone by the male record-holder for most kids, a Moroccan emperor who, according to the Guinness Book of World Records, sired “at least 342 daughters and 525 sons, and by 1721, he was reputed to have 700 male descendants.”

Source: \”Why Evolution Is True\” (Viking, 2009), by Jerry Coyne

        

It’s the end of the world, I need to get laid N.O.W!

If some are to be believed, it’s supposed to be the end of the world as we know it. For those of you planning to get laid, hoping to get lucky or are desperate to lose their virginity before this supposed Apocalypse, here are some words of SASsy advice from us and our friends at LICK condoms.

Just remember, the world may be ending, but don’t let a hot date or in this case, an end date turn into a due date you’re not prepared for.

And for those girls with guys who want some love without the glove, here are some whippy, SASsy comeback lines to make him whip out a condom.

THE LINE: “I’ll only put it in for a minute…then we can put on a condom”

THE SASsy COMEBACK: To quote Beverly  Mickins  in the book “Women on Men: Love and Life with the Opposite Sex”—“What am I, a microwave?”.

Also, you should know that even if he’s in there for just a minute (and it’s never really just a minute, is it?) you can still get pregnant. Pre-ejaculation fluid already contains semen that can get you pregnant or give you an STI.

Photo from whatafy.com

THE LINE: “I don’t get hard when using condoms.”

THE SASsy COMEBACK: “Is it the condom, or is it you? You might have an erectile dysfunction (E.D.) and not know it. E.D. isn’t just about getting it up, it’s about getting it uhm, hard enough.”

Say that and you can bet he’ll put on a condom faster than a speeding bullet just to prove you wrong.

Photo from Health.com

THE LINE: “Condoms don’t fit me.”

THE SASsy COMEBACK: “Don’t flatter yourself, buddy.”

According to Joy Lynn Alegarbes, Global Director for Operations of  The Condom Project (who was once a guest blogger here at Sex and Sensibilities), “Statistically, it has been shown that 80% of men will fit into a standard size condom.  Of the remaining 20%, 10% of men need a snugger fit condom (too small), and 10% actually need a larger fit condom.   Although only 10% of men need a larger-sized condom, 30% of men will try to buy a larger-sized condom.”

He thinks he’s part of the 10% who need a larger fit? Check out The Penis Size Worldwide–chances are, he’s not.

Photo from Shine Yahoo

THE LINE: “If you love me and are faithful to me, we don’t need to/you’ll agree not to  use condoms.”

THE SASsy COMEBACK: “Not everything is about you, sweetie. The last time I checked, there were two people in this horizontal tango, but only one who could get pregnant. In this case, the hand that will rock the cradle is the hand that will insist on condom use.”

Using condoms doesn’t mean you love your partner less. Neither is it an indication of being unfaithful. Birth control is a joint responsibility. And the more responsible and yes, loving thing to do, is safeguard each other’s sexual health.

Photo form HerCafe

THE LINE: “But I’m only sleeping with you.”

THE SASsy COMEBACK: “Sure, but there may have been others before me and well, others after me. I’m doing this for them, too.” : )

The fact of the matter is that there are some STIs don’t show symptoms, HIV, for example, has an asymptomatic period that could go for as long as 10 years. So you could have an STI and not even know it and passing it on to someone. As the saying  goes, when you sleep with someone, you sleep with their history.

Photo from Genius Beauty

THE LINE: “Condoms don’t feel good.”

THE SASsy COMEBACK: “ That’s what lubricant is for.”

You might not know how to maximize their pleasure principle. Try using ultra-thin condoms or adding just a dollop of lubricant in the tip of the condom before rolling it on.

Because we love scientific (it is biology, afterall) explanations, we will again quote Joy Lynn Alegarbes, “One very important factor when it comes to sensation is providing the opportunity for increased friction and movement around the glans (head)– the location with the highest concentration of nerves in the penis).   I often recommend adding a little bit of lubricant directly to the head of the penis or on the inside of the condom’s tip just before putting it on.”

Photo from Pravda.ru

THE LINE: “Magaling naman ako humugot, e.” a.k.a “I know when to pull out.”

THE SASsy COMEBACK: “Fine, you know when to pull out. But I don’t. And until I know in advance when you’re ahem, coming, I’m not willing to risk my future on our hip movement and withdrawing power.”

Again, read up on the content of pre-ejaculation fluid. It can already get you pregnant or give you something less polite than the common cold.

Photo from Kinsey Confidential

THE LINE: “Just this once…”

THE SASsy COMEBACK: “Didn’t the snake say something like that to Eve? Look where it got them.”

You can get pregnant even if you have sex just once. You can get an STI even if you’ve only had sex once, if your partner is infected. Once is all it takes, sometimes.

Photo from Luis Granados

THE LINE: “Even if you get pregnant, I’ll marry you.”

THE SASsy COMEBACK: “What about the other girls you tried having unprotected sex with, did you want to marry them all, too?”

Alternative line: “There is no divorce in the Philippines!”

That should be enough of a reality check.

Photo from Jezebel

THE LINE: “I don’t have any condoms.”

THE SASsy COMEBACK: “No problem, I brought  my own.”

As any girl with a SASsy head on her shoulders knows, times like this, you need to be a girl scout. Going Dutch, potluck, BYOB or Bring Your Own Baon–any which way you put it, you just have to bring your own stash.