By Ana Santos
So you’ve thought about initiating sex, but you’re just not sure if you should. Here are some tips on taking charge in the bedroom.
Photo via sxc.hu
Want to initiate sex, but not sure how? You might even be downright afraid to try for fear of rejection. There are a number of reasons why women are scared of initiating sex with their partners, but there are more powerful reasons why they should. Being an empowered woman is a good thing, and you have all the right to go for what you want.
Fear is not a legitimate reason to repress yourself and deny your needs. Your partner will also appreciate it when you let out the sexy temptress in you. Susan Sprecher, a professor of Sociology at the Illinois State University, even discovered that sexual satisfaction is greater in relationships in which partners initiate sex equally. And seriously, those are all the reasons you need to start doing it.
Dr. Sprecher’s study also showed that women who are more comfortable and confident in their relationships and in their own skin are the ones who are gutsy enough to initiate sex. So before trying any of these tips, do a quick check up on your relationship and self-esteem.
TIPS FOR BEGINNERS
For the beginners who need to warm up to the idea of initiating sex, these tips look harmless and benign. But don’t underestimate their subtlety. If you do these things, he’ll get the hint that you’re in the mood to get frisky.
1. PLAY REMEMBER WHEN AND STRIKE UP SOME OLD MEMORIES.
We all have that one date or occasion when the sex was just mind-blowing. Relive those moments by using something that will trigger those steamy memories.
“My boyfriend and I had one fantastic weekend in a bed and breakfast,” said Wendy, 26. “We spent one particularly long time on this elaborate chair, if you get what I mean. And for some time, I would just send him that photo on his e-mail with one line, like, ‘Replay?’”
This memory inducer could be anything: a dress you wore that he nearly tore off or a scent that drove him crazy. These things and more will fire up his senses and get him up and running.
(Photo by David J via Flickr Creative Commons)
Send your message through those everyday actions that have become perfunctory, and turn them into red hot signals. Make the most out of that kiss goodbye in the morning before work or that kiss hello when you first see each other. Do more than just peck him on the cheek–throw in the smallest hint of tongue action, or suck on his lower lip (always the lower lip, the upper lip looks more like an accident). When you need to whisper something into his ear, wait a few seconds before pulling away and slowly breathe into it. Better yet, plant a flicker of a kiss on his neck before pulling away entirely.
These small gestures will put his senses in overdrive and get him revved up with excitement.
(Photo by Tela Chhe via Flickr Creative Commons)
3. TALK DIRTY.
Dirty talking is a real turn on for many, but it’s not something that everyone can do. Just remember that when it comes to dirty talk, less is more. It’s also the safer route. Pick your mode of communication. Will it be e-mail or SMS? Stay away from something public like Twitter or Facebook. Keep it short, sweet, and cryptic.
How about sending an e-mail with the subject “Hungry”? And when he asks what you want for dinner, tell him you weren’t talking about your appetite for food.
(Photo by Christine Roth via Flickr Creative Commons)
FOR INTERMEDIATE SEDUCERS
You’ve tried initiating sex once, maybe twice, or maybe a handful of times. You’ve enjoyed taking the bull by the horns and riding it, but you’re still self-conscious about taking charge too often. Try these creative mood setters to help him understand that you want it hot, and you want it now.
1. QUIETLY JOIN HIM IN THE SHOWER.
What better way to say “I want some” than to get your man in the shower, where you’re both naked, slippery, and wet. When still in the shower, don’t get right on with the deed. Build up the tension by lathering each other up, paying more attention to certain parts that will get him in the mood. Remember to rinse off before taking the action to another part of the room.
(Photo by Chad Miller via Flickr Creative Commons)
2. WATCH A MOVIE WITH SOME HOT SEX SCENES.
Watch movies with the steamiest sex scenes. Yes, this is much better than watching porn together because it leaves something to the imagination. As they say, when you stimulate the mind, you are actually stimulating the biggest sex organ ever. To get you started, Female Network suggests:
- Basic Instinct with Sharon Stone and Michael Douglas,
- Original Sin with Antonio Banderas and Angelina Jolie,
- Unfaithful with Diane Lane, and
- Love and Other Drugs with Anne Hathaway and Jake Gyllenhaal.
(Photo by Grizdave via Flickr Creative Commons)
3. PLAY WITH YOUR LINGERIE.
Do something you’ve never done before in your lingerie. Sure, he’s seen you in your bra and panties—wearing even less than that. Spice things up by doing ordinary activities in your bare essentials. Like, after a shower, has he ever seen you slowly rub lotion all over your arms and legs? After undressing from a long day at work, has he ever seen you leisurely walking around in your room wearing just that? Or instead of the usual comfy nightshirt, how about climbing into bed in a sexy sheer teddy? Try all of these options, and find out which one he responds to the most. In fact, exercise your imagination and come up with your own scenarios too!
(Photo by CEBImagery.com via Flickr Creative Commmons)
FOR SASSY SEDUCERS
You and your partner give and take, and that includes taking turns initiating sex. But even experts need to work at staying at the top of their game. These tips might help you do just that.
1. BUY A NEW SEX TOY.
Get a sex toy, and experiment with it. Depending on what you’re into and how far the two of you can push the envelope, this can be anything from a vibrator to flavored lubricant to strip poker or even a sex game app you can download.
(Photo by Frédéric BISSON viaFlickr Creative Commons)
2. WAKE HIM UP IN BETWEEN THE SHEETS.
Men usually wake up in the morning with their appendages standing at attention. It’s just how male anatomy works. Make that work to your advantage, and work your magic down there while he’s asleep. Make sure you do so slowly and gently in case he suddenly jerks up in surprise (no pun intended there).
(Photo by Jacob via Flickr Creative Commons)
3. ROLE PLAY
Dress up as the stereotypical porn icon like the French Maid, the Slutty Nurse, or the Kinky Librarian. Dress up like his favorite porn fantasy, or wear a trench coat then reveal your sexy outfit. Sure, it might make you feel silly instead of sexy at first, and the two of you may need to get over the laughing before anyone actually gets laid, but that’s the whole point of sex, isn’t it? It’s supposed to be fun and, yes, sometimes even funny. Sometimes it’s a guffaw rather than a moan that marks the best sex you’ve ever had.
(Photo by opcom via Flickr Creative Commons)
This article was also published here.
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