sexandsensibilities.com

By Ana Santos

“Puerta”, Mitch Mauricio’s first solo exhibit of 12 vaginal portraits at Pablo Gallery in Cubao-X drew a huge crowd of curious spectators, art and photography aficionados and some who just wanted–like Mitch—to celebrate women’s sexuality. (Some guests even flew in to witness the event.)

“Growing up in a sexually repressive Roman Catholic society, majority of Filipinas don’t have many options when they want to learn more about their own sexuality. Whether it’s for medical, ethical, or sensual purposes, talking about sex–specifically the female sex organ, is generally frowned upon,” says
Mitch.

This repression propelled Mitch to examine her own sexuality on both a personal and professional level.
In “Puerta”, Mitch tries to explore the hidden beauty of that most private body part.

“Puerta” tries to personify the vagina, to show that it too has character, depth, and power so that its owners will hopefully acknowledge its existence and develop a healthy relationship with it. The vagina is the doorway that we all pass through when we are conceived, when we are born, when we are ushered into adulthood.”

“Puerta” is comprised of 10-12 black and white photographs, each blown up to the size of 24×34 inches.

“I really wanted plan to exaggerate the scale of the photos in order to challenge our traditional views on what the vagina is, what it’s for, and what role it plays in all our lives,” says Mitch.

Sex and Sensibilities.com sat down with Mitch Mauricio to go deeper into her thoughts and reasons for doing “Puerta”.

SAS: How many women were photographed for the exhibit?

MITCH: For Puerta, I photographed six Filipino women from various walks of life and ages.

SAS: What were your criteria for choosing these women?

MITCH: The women who agreed to pose are open, embrace, and take responsibility for their sexuality.

SAS: Tell me how the project began and how you conceptualized it.

MITCH: The project started out because of the realization that Filipinas, in general, still aren’t celebrating their womanhood and sexuality. Some even haven’t seen their own vaginas, while some don’t know what an orgasm is. The strong belief that women should know and celebrated themselves and their sexuality pushed me to pursue this project.

I strongly believe that every Filipina should know what her vagina looks like, its texture, what it desires, and how an orgasm feels. Every woman should be encouraged to explore their own sexuality and humanity.

SAS: Some men are known to some kind of kinship with their penises—they give them names, for example. In general, what kind of relationship do you think a Filipina has with her vagina?

MITCH: When I was growing up, I was never thought to explore my vagina. In fact, it was taboo to talk about and was considered evil if you explored it. Filipinas should be encouraged to discover their own organs, their own sexuality. The vagina is a very important part of life: it gives men and women pleasure and it’s the doorway to humanity–when you give birth. The vagina should be celebrated!

SAS: What do you hope to achieve by doing this?

MITCH: I hope to get a discourse going, to get a reaction from people — whether they like it or get repulsed by it, as long as they talk about the Filipina’s vagina. The portraits are meant to show the beauty of the vagina.

Visit the Puerta Exhibit at Pablo Gallery in Cubao X until March 10, 2011.
There is no entrance fee, just remember to bring an open mind.

        

Both the letter and the photo were taken from a Facebook post by Risa Hontiveros.

Risa Hontiveros with daughter Sinta.

13 February 2011

Dear Bishop Odchimar,

Peace!

I will not respond  to all the points raised in the Pastoral Letter of the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines which you sent us, your Filipino brothers and sisters, last 30 January.  Most of them are old points that have been raised and clarified repeatedly in so many debates and too few dialogues in the past decade, though it drives me almost to tears that it seems the good Bishops have not been listening intently or understanding with empathy.

I would like to respond to just two points.

In the section, Moral Choices at the Crossroads – at EDSA I and Now, you wrote that “Twenty five years ago in 1986 we Catholic Bishops made a prophetic and moral judgement on political leadership….  Today we come to a new national crossroads and we now have to make a similar moral choice.”

As one of the young people then who went in our multitudes to EDSA when Minister Enrile and General Ramos admitted that Marcos had stolen the election from Cory Aquino and when Cardinal Sin rallied us to protect them from Marcos’s forces, I will always remember how our hearts were made even braver and our feet swifter by the CBCP’s Pastoral Letter.  Then, you were with us in pulling down the pillars of dictatorship, you were with us in advancing democracy.

But your Pastoral Letter of last month cannot be placed on the same plane because it is not of the same prophetic and moral fiber.  By misrepresenting the Reproductive Health bill as promotive of abortion and of adolescent promiscuity – with all due respect -  you have not only been intellectually dishonest and ignored the good faith of RH advocates, but also failed to proclaim the life-saving and values-formation character of this public health measure, which many of us in your own flock, in conscience, desire to be passed into law.   In 1986, you were advancing democracy; now, you are impeding democracy.

In the section, What We Specifically Object to in the RH Bill, you wrote that “Advocates also assert that the RH Bill empowers women with ownership of their own bodies… without the dictation of any religion.”

We do not own our bodies, but our spirits inhabit them, therefore they are our kingdom, and just as we struggle for the self-determination of Inangbayan and the sustainability of Inang Kalikasan, by the same feminine principle, we freely, in an informed manner, responsibly and joyfully, decide about our bodies.  No one else can or should do that for us.

Whatever gave you the idea that we decide about our bodies or anything else in life without anchoring in our deepest inspirations, whether faith or humanism or the sheer sense of being a woman?  I kneel only to God, sometimes with the princes of my church, but always from the innermost voice of conscience which I strive humbly to discern in silence or in the marketplace.

As a Conference of men located outside women’s experience, good Bishop, could you not show a little more respect for us?

We choose life, we embrace its every cycle, from birth and girlhood to the childbearing years to menopause or climacterium and then death.  We want each and every sister to have a chance at that fullness of life.  It is a shame that we do not have the Bishops marching beside us this time around. But, without you or even against you, we will win this new revolution, too.

Respectfully yours,

Risa Hontiveros

Spokesperson, Akbayan

        

Senator Pia Cayetano, one of the advocates of the Reproductive Health (RH) Bill, has expressed disappointment over Malaca?ang’s decision to exclude the bill from its list of priority measures, reportsPhilStar.com. Their decision “indicates a leadership that is indecisive and vulnerable to pressure,” she said earlier this week.

“What was worse was that President (Noynoy Aquino) pulled out the RH Bill from the list of priority bills at a time when the congressional hearings are about to be concluded and the plenary debates would commence,” Cayetano added. “This will be a true test of the political will of this administration, as well as the President?s sincerity and conviction.”

Meanwhile, Democratic Socialist Women of the Philippines (DSWP) Chair Elizabeth Angsioco said in a statement released this week, “(The administration’s move) is not only anti-women, but also anti-poor. (The President) is betraying the millions of Filipinos who voted for him because he made a pact that he will listen to them. The RH bill was a campaign promise under his social contract with the Filipino people.”

DSWP added, “Women’s organizations have repeatedly requested for a dialogue with P-Noy on this issue, but we were, and are continuously ignored. Instead, he gave in to the whims of the Catholic hierarchy.” Presidential spokesperson Edwin Lacierda earlier denied that the Malaca?ang has given in to the Catholic Church’s anti-Reproductive Health Bill stand, but said they “are not introducing the bill until after (they) finish the dialogue with the bishops.”

Ramon San Pascual, executive director of the Philippine Legislators Committee on Population and Development Foundation Inc., told PhilStar.com, “We urge him (Aquino) to reconsider the inclusion of (the) RH bill as a priority bill.” He added, “This is the time that the President must act on behalf of poor women and families by standing firm on his promise to pursue responsible parenthood… It would be unfair for women to continue to become hostage of a dialogue and debate that has been going on for the past 10 years.”

For more on this story, log on to PhilStar.com.

        

by Elizabeth Angsioco

Re-posted from Manila Standard Today

I am the Consolidated Reproductive Health Bill. My six parent bills gave birth to me after the House of Representatives’ committee on population gave me its seal of approval. This is the 16th year of my family’s struggle to pass Congress and I have become quite controversial though not by design. What we really want is to help address the Filipino people’s needs, especially those of women in poverty.

Soon, I will be the subject of Plenary debates. But before that, I first want to be introduced to people who want to know me. Let me tell you what I offer and what I can do if I become a law.

I am pro-life.

ALL my provisions are about upholding your right to life. I am particularly protective of the poor and marginalized. I come with services that will address reproductive health-related diseases and make pregnancies and childbirth safe. These include:

Section 5- Training of midwives for skilled attendance which will result in better care for women who deliver babies at home or in health centers;

Section 6- Emergency obstetric care which are crucial life-saving services that will attend to childbirth complications;

Section 8- Maternal and newborn health care in crisis situations which mandates government to provide maternal, neonatal and other RH services even in temporary shelters, evacuation centers, and refugee camps;

Section 14- Benefits of serious and life-threatening RH conditions which tells PhilHealth to provide maximum benefits in cases of HIV and AIDS, breast and reproductive tract cancers, obstetric complications, etc.;

Section 15- Mobile health care service which will bring RH and other health services to our people especially to those of you who are in hard-to-reach areas; and

Section 19- Capability building of barangay health workers so they can help even in RH-related matters. This provision recognizes the reality that these workers are among the first who assist you in times of problems.

I want to make these important services accessible because these can help in keeping our people healthy and address the causes of deaths of mothers. The reality is women die from preventable and curable pregnancy and childbirth-related complications. I want to, and I can help save lives.

I am pro-choice.

You all have the right to make informed decisions, to choose from among options that should be available to you. Those who attack me say that I will coerce you into doing things that you do not want. They cannot be more wrong. Let me show you why.

I have the following provisions that will enable you to decide freely and intelligently, and actually put these decisions into action:

Section 7- Access to family planning which provides for the availability of ALL modern methods, including Natural Family Planning. This will ensure that you will have a full range of options to choose from;

Section 16- Mandatory Age-Appropriate RH and Sexuality Education. This provision of mine will educate our young people in an age-appropriate manner on RH-related matters including: physical, social and emotional changes in adolescents; fertility awareness; self-protection against discrimination, violence and abuse; STI, HIV and AIDS; and FP.

Moreover, this provision will help develop life-skills such as responsible decision-making among our young people as they learn values formation; children’s and women’s rights; responsible relationship; gender and development; and responsible parenthood;

Section 24- Right to RH care information which ensures that you will be provided with comprehensive and non-fraudulent information about available RH care and services; and

Section 28- Prohibited acts. Because I protect your right to know your options and freely make decisions, I prohibit: healthcare providers from withholding or restricting dissemination of information or providing incorrect information on RH programs and services; public officials from restricting the delivery of RH services, or coercing anyone to use such services; and employers from requiring employees to use or not use any FP method.

You see, there is nothing in me that coerces anyone. All I will do is make RH information and services available to you should YOU DECIDE to use them.

I am pro-poor.

I admit I have a bias for those in poverty. After all, those with money can readily pay for whatever service or supply they need. I am alarmed that many who die from pregnancy and childbirth complications are poor women. Thus, besides the above-mentioned provisions that will benefit our poor citizens, I offer a lot more including:

Section 12- Integration of family planning and responsible parenthood component in anti-poverty programs. Because of the expressed high unmet need for FP among the poor, I mandate government to include FP in its multi-dimensional approach against poverty.

Section 13- Roles of local government in FP programs is my provision ensuring that LGUs will prioritize the poor in terms of delivery of FP services.

Section 21- Employers’ responsibilities. This provision strengthens the Labor Code’s policy requiring big companies to provide RH services to employees. Smaller ones on the other hand, are asked to enter into partnerships with healthcare providers so they are able to do the same.

Section 22- Pro-bono services to indigent women. I ask RH care providers to give 48 hours of free service to indigent patients to further increase the poor’s access to RH programs.

Section 23- Sexual and RH programs for persons with disabilities (PWDs). Because RH is a right, PWDs will not be discriminated against in terms of the enjoyment of this right. Through this provision, I am mandating government to remove existing barriers to PWDs’ access to RH services.

I am pro-life, pro-choice, and pro-poor. These are what I stand for. All I want is to address people’s RH needs and prevent women from dying from preventable and curable causes. “No woman should die in giving life,” is a line I take seriously.

I hope that after telling you these, I will be better understood. I am tired of being lied about. Support me and I will serve well. To members of Congress: Vote for me, I am the reproductive health bill.

        

MAC VIVA GLAM global ambassador Lady Gaga has been named one of TIME Magazine’s 100 most influential people of 2010. 

Lady Gaga who in this video says that she wants to go beyond the music and positively influence her fans, has lent her talent and voice to the MAC AIDS Foundation to raise awareness about HIV and AIDS. Together with her co-ambassador, Cyndi Lauper, Lady Gaga draws attention to the sensitive issue how women, who account for almost half of the HIV/AIDS cases around the world, are more vulnerable to HIV infection.  

“Use protection, and be selective and strong about those you love. Your body is sacred, and it’s ok to say no. Make your partners get tested, go together: it will only make your relationship stronger and healthier.”, says Lady Gaga who stresses the importance of being vocal and raising awareness about HIV/AIDS.

“By being as outspoken as possible on this subject we can raise awareness and protect the health of those we love. This is an important message to relay to the younger generation.”, she says.

Read up on the precocious Lady Gaga’s phenomenal career by reading her biography graciously shared with SAS by the MAC Philippines.

When Lady Gaga was a little girl, she would sing along on her mini plastic tape recorder to Michael Jackson and Cyndi Lauper hits and get twirled in the air in daddy’s arms to the sounds of the Rolling Stones and the Beatles. The precocious child would dance around the table at fancy Upper West Side restaurants using breadsticks as a baton. And she would innocently greet a new babysitter in nothing but her birthday suit.

It’s no wonder that little girl from a good Italian New York family turned into the multi-talented singer-songwriter with a flair for theatrics that she is today: Lady Gaga.

“I was always an entertainer. I was a ham as a little girl and I’m a ham today,” says Lady Gaga, 22, who made a name for herself on the Lower East Side club scene with the infectious dance-pop party song “Beautiful Dirty Rich,” and wild, theatrical, and often tongue-in-cheek “shock art” performances. Gaga – who designs and makes many of her stage outfits — would strip down to her hand-crafted hot pants and bikini top, light cans of hairspray on fire, and strike a pose as a disco ball lowered from the ceiling to the orchestral sounds of A Clockwork Orange.

“I always loved rock and pop and theater. When I discovered Queen and David Bowie is when it really came together for me and I realized I could do all three,” says Gaga, who nicked her name from Queen’s song “Radio Gaga” and who cites rock star girlfriends Peggy Bundy and Donatella Versace as her fashion icons. “I look at those artists as icons in art. It’s not just about the music. It’s about the performance, the attitude, the look; it’s everything. And that is where I live as an artist, and that is what I want to accomplish.”

That goal might seem lofty, but consider the artist: Gaga is the girl who at age four learned piano by ear. By age 13, she had written her first piano ballad. At 14, she played open mike nights at clubs such as New York’s the Bitter End by night and was teased for her quirky, eccentric style by her Convent of the Sacred Heart School (the Manhattan private school Nicky and Paris Hilton attended) classmates by day. At age 17, she was one of 20 kids in the world to get early admission to Tisch School of the Arts at NYU. Signed by her 20th birthday and writing songs for other artists (such as the Pussycat Dolls, and has been asked to write for a series of Interscope artists) before her debut album was even released, Lady Gaga has earned the right to reach for the sky.

“My goal as an artist is to funnel a pop record to the world in very interesting way,” says Gaga, who wrote all of her lyrics, all of her melodies, and played most of the synth work on her album, “The Fame” (Streamline/Interscope/KonLive). “I almost want to trick people into hanging with something that is really cool with a pop song. It’s almost like the spoonful of sugar, and I’m the medicine.”

On “The Fame”, it’s as if Gaga took two parts dance-pop, one part electro-pop, and one part rock with a splash of disco and burlesque and generously poured it into the figurative martini glasses of the world in an effort to get everyone drunk with her Fame. “‘The Fame’ is about how anyone can feel famous,” she explains. “Pop culture is art. It doesn’t make you cool to hate pop culture, so I embraced, it and you hear it all over “The Fame”. But it’s a sharable fame. I want to invite you all to the party. I want people to feel a part of this lifestyle.”

        

 It seems highly unlikely.  

Jean Enriquez, executive director of Coalition Against Trafficking in Women (CATW-Asia Pacific), whose day job naturally includes putting pimps behind bars was brought to tears several times during this interview.  

But just as Jean herself says, and as I was about to discover, such is the power of feminist conversations.  

The first tears come when I ask Jean to tell me about herself.  

“That’s such an open-ended question”, Jean says, stumped. “Where do I even begin to answer that?”  

“Just tell me the first thing that comes to mind,” I say, encouragingly.  

“Single mother”, she says and her eyes turn misty. “I’m really proud of my 20 year-old daughter, Janica. Though I never really imposed my convictions on her, she is growing up to be quite a feminist herself. She feels deeply about the discrimination against the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bi-sexual and transgender) community and Muslim people. I was very surprised to see how sharp and precise her analyses are.” Jean says, proudly.  

The early onset of feminist activism seems to run in the family as Jean’s own brand of activism, also started at an early age.  

“When I was in 13, I was already speaking against the Marcos Administration at the rallies in Mendiola. I knew no fear — maybe because I was very idealistic. People were awed and listened to me and what I had to say.” says Jean.  

What Jean calls her ‘feminist awakening’ came later in university.  

“The other political ideologies that I read about were not relatable. When I read about feminism, it was holistic. It took up issues like relationships, which at that young age preoccupied me. I began to understand the power play between men and women.”, says Jean who also admits that the writings of feminism became particularly poignant at this time because she started engaging in casual relationships of her own.  

“I got involved in relationships without emotions. I went bed-hopping thinking that it would empower me. I only felt I was beautiful when I was sexually active.”, Jean shares, slightly shuddering at the memory.  

“You think you are so beautiful because you’re wanted, when really, you feel like a rug that is being used. You come to realize that even if you are intelligent, educated and respectable, there is no difference between you and a paid woman.”  

“I got pregnant when I was 20 and got married. I was irresponsible and thought having a child by him was love. It turned out to be a violent and abusive relationship which I eventually left.”  

Jean shares this experience of confusion, experimentation and resilience at youth camps the CATW – AP holds. “I don’t want them [the youth] to go through that. I believe that feminism is about empowering ourselves and re-building the self esteem that has been eroded by the media, by men and even by other women.”  

The complexities of sex trafficking  

Throughout her academic life and NGO career, Jean has been on the forefront of cutting edge women’s issues like reproductive health and later on, sex trafficking.  

Tracing this back, Jean says that it was in 1998 when she first became exposed to how women become vulnerable to sex trafficking because their fishing grounds or farms were converted into resorts or malls. “In the mining lands of Western Mindanao, they were being forced to sell their land. They were displaced and for lack of other means, they allowed themselves to be trafficked into prostitution. It is very sad, but within the small mining community, the girls are sold to the miners and the developers.” she says.  

“Sex trafficking is a complex issue which is linked to other issues like economics, poverty, and development. Muslim girls who have fallen victim to sex trafficking are highly stigmatized and sometimes forced to remain silence to save their family honor.”  

“This issue is close to my heart because it deals with the marginalized women in society. The victims are often made to be invisible. Until now, there are not many focused on this issue.” Jean says, and her voice catches in her throat. “Each cases of rape, of incest, of sex trafficking affects me.”  

Tireless, relentless  

 After more than two decades, Jean remains relentless in the fight for women’s rights. CATW-AP, under Jean’s leadership, was one of the women’s groups that were instrumental in the passage of the Anti-Trafficking in Persons Law in 2003. Currently, CATW-AP is lobbying for the passage of the Anti-Prostitution Law which de-criminalizes prostitutes, but will prosecute buyers and sellers. 

“Don’t you ever get tired?” I ask her.  

Jean does not hesitate before answering.  

“You know, we conduct trainings on violence against women for men. Some of the men, when they come in appear to be really cocky and arrogant. At the end of the training, you can see their illumination and new found conviction. Some even become peer educators themselves. Isn’t that so energizing? How do you quantify the women we have rescued thanking us for making such a difference in their life? When you see that your work can have that kind of effect on people, will you even think about the need to rest?” The rhetorical questions are answered, even before they are asked.

Jean removes her glasses to wipe away fresh tears. “I will not ever get tired of that.” Jean says, with a quiet conviction in her voice.  

And such is the power of the feminist conversation. Its empathy connects one woman to another regardless of superficial differences like age and background; its infinite tenderness softens the heart of even the hardest man; and its power inspires, nurtures and heals all those whom it touches.  

        

There are certain mundane tasks in life that when performed, are profoundly humbling.

I found out last Saturday, March 13, that the task of flyering — distributing leaflets to strangers and interrupting whatever it was they were doing — is one of these extremely humbling experiences.

I woke up at the crack of dawn to get to the SM Mall of Asia (MOA) grounds to catch the 5^th annual Pinay in Action all-women marathon sponsored by Senator Pia Cayetano.

My friends at the Women’s Media Circle and Kalakasan (Kababaihan Laban sa Karahasan) graciously allowed SAS to share in their booth space to sell Sex and Sensibilities pins and distribute flyers to the estimated 1,000 runners who turned out for the race.

And that was how I came to know first-hand the humility required for the mundane task of flyering.

How many times have you shooed away credit card agents? How many times have you blatantly ignored people on the streets handing out flyers for anything from cash loans to events? How many times have you cursed those people who put flyers in between your windshield wipers? (Don’t you just hate it even more when they put it on the passenger side of the car, making it harder to get rid of?)

I was prepared to be ignored and dismissed with my only weapon a 5 second spiel that I hoped would be punchy, spunky and attention grabbing.

“Hi, we’re Sex and Sensibilities, a website about making sexual reproductive health sexy and sassy for women as opposed to being boring or too scientific…”

There was no time for a period. As soon as I handed out one flyer, I would start the same spiel again. It was a run-on sentence of the highest degree; one that would deeply offend any English teacher.

But that’s the thing about flyering —  you only have a fraction of a second to get people’s attention, give them your flyer and hope that they will at least read it, before you turn your back and they throw it away.

Of course, the fact that the words “sex”, “sexual” , “sexy” and “sassy” were intrinsic to my spiel didn’t hurt.  It certainly got people to snap out of their fatigued runner’s daze and whip their heads up, “Did she just say sex at this ungodly hour???!!”.  

Even the men reacted, asking me, “Hey, if it’s for women, is there anything in there for me?”

To which I would gamely reply, “Of course, there’s something in there for you boys. We ladies don’t get pregnant by ourselves!”  

Still, some others were aghast, “Why am I being given this?? It’s about sex? Give it to ___”. In the place of the blank, they would name their friend, the person behind them, just about anybody and their brother.

But mostly, I was just happy to elicit a reaction. Hopefully, a reaction is the beginning of getting people to talk about sexual health, safer sex and positive sexuality.

Maybe the Sex and Sensibilities flyer will not yet reach the pinnacle of achievement for a flyer –  the  ultimate sign of desired immortality and acknowledged functionality  for a flyer — that of being posted on a refrigerator’s door right next to the number of your favorite take out restaurant.

But for a few minutes, the interest was piqued and they read and they listened.

Domination of refrigerator doors may just be around the next race.

Sex and Sensibilities would like to thank and acknowledge the women who kicked SASs in Pinay in Action:

Anna Leah Sarabia, Founder and Executive Director of Women’s Media Circle and Kalakasan. Anna Leah was supposed to have joined the run, except that she came down with a fever a few days before.

Sinag de Leon, who was so diligent about reminding me about call time and logistics. I’m sure Sinag would have obliged a request for a wake-up call if I had asked her for one.  

Raya de Leon, Sinag’s daughter who was one of the younger women who joined the race.

Tin, who painted the Pinay in Action logo on the runner’s arms. Tin is a fan of Sex and Sensibilities on Facebook and as you can see here, is mighty proud to be wearing her SAS on her shirt.

And lastly, writer, poet and blogger Karen Kunawicz who ran away with the best costume award. Karen was dressed in a signature pirate costume and black spandex brandishing a flag with skulls emblazoned with the words: “Women who behave rarely make history.”

Nicely said by a woman who clearly is oozing with SAS.

 – By Ana Santos

        

Dee Mendoza: A triumphant affirmation of womanhood.

I first met Dee Mendoza, 34, at the photo shoot for the World AIDS Day 2009 campaign “Dare to Bare”.    

Dee was representing Task Force Pride and was one of the 13 advocates who made the bold  statement of standing up for HIV/AIDS awareness by wearing nothing but the red AIDS ribbon.    

I was doing her make-up for the shoot and from the get-go, we started chatting up a storm like two old girlfriends. Dee spoke to me about her work as a consultant for an IT firm. She shared the many hardships dealt by the corporate sector because of the way that she chose to express herself and affirm her gender.    

“There are these so-called typical careers for transwomen: comedians, hairstylists or prostitutes. There is nothing wrong with those occupations, it’s just I dreamed of another path for me.”, says Dee. “There aren’t many transwomen to look up to as a role model. You don’t see alot of famous transwomen that the youth can emulate — especially when I was growing up.”    

I was so inspired by Dee’s story of determination that I asked my editor at Metro if we could do a feature article on her and what it’s really like being a transwoman. I was ecstatic when Metro editorial agreed. Dee requested for a copy of the questions in advance and I proceeded to making a list in preparation for the interview.   

And this is where I was stumped. I realized that when it came to actually writing them down, I didn’t know how to properly phrase my questions. I ended up using words like “transformation”, and asking Dee about her “decison to finally become a woman”.    

During the interview, which we had over coffee, Dee talked more intimately about being a transsexual woman; her discoveries and struggles that ultimately led to her emancipation. It was during this interview, woman to woman, that Dee illuminated me. I left that interview with something Dee said; a phrase that I will not soon forget as it left an indeliable mark on my own understanding of what makes a woman.   

Dee Mendoza and other members of Task Force Pride pose for SAS trademark campaign for Worlds AIDS Day 2009 "Dare to Bare". Photo by Mitch Mauricio

“We are so much more than our bodies.  When we think of ourselves and others in terms of their anatomy and their genetalia, it is as if we are reducing ourselves to bits and pieces.”    

I am privileged to re-tell Dee’s story of discovery and triumphant self-love here in this post.    

Clothes may make a man, but it doesn’t make a woman. I have always been a woman even though I had to wear men’s clothes. Cross dressing — that is me in men’s clothes — started at a very young age.      

I was born with a male body. Thus, I was expected to perform conventionally in the role of male; act male, be heterosexual, have girl friends, and eventually a wife.    

It never felt right. From my earliest memories I knew I was not comfortable in some way. From an early age, I identified far more with my childhood girl friends than boyfriends. It went on until college, up to the first few years of my employment in my current job. As I grew up, the only path open to me was the so called gay role. But I soon discovered that wasn’t me.     

In the Philippines, we only have two terms: “bakla” and “tomboy”. And this posed a problem for me. I felt neither term appropriately described me. Even in the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bi-sexual and transsexual) community, when I would introduce myself by saying, “I’m Dee and I’m a woman.”, I would be laughed at. People would snicker and say, “Masyado ka naman ilusionada.” [You're deluded.]    

Meeting the word “transgender” was one of the turning points of my life. It was then that I truly began to discover who I was, who I am, who I have always been, in respect to my sexuality, and my gender. I knew then that I was, and always had been, gender female, and a heterosexual woman.    

There was no transformation, there was just an AFFIRMATION. A declaration to myself and to the world that my gender is female and that I am a woman. In retrospect, I have always thought myself to be female since the earliest recollection of my memory. It was later blurred by the dictates of society and it became clear again to me when I reached the affirmative point in my life where I rediscovered I am woman.    

The day I rediscovered who I am was the day I was set free.  I was never felt happier, more confident.  It was as if a whole new world awaited me.    

The reality is that the conventional view that there is only male and female, heterosexual and homosexual, and that one should conform to the expected norms, is simply, wrong. Human, life, all life for that matter, is more complex and more interesting than that.    

Of course, there are still some constraints for me. These are not of my choosing. Instead they are imposed by those around me, by some sections of our society, in its ignorance and bigotry, when it tries and sometimes succeeds in restricting my right to be who I am. I face this daily.    

Sometimes it’s in the form of a waiter who perhaps doesn’t know better and refers to me as “he”. When you see someone dressed as a woman, representing and expressing herself as a woman, isn’t  it but right, but natural, to refer to her as “her”?    

Even the mundane activity of going to a public bathroom poses difficulty for transwomen.  It hasn’t happened to me, but I have heard of instances where others [transwomen] were asked to  leave a ladies’ room. Why does that have to be done? To use myself as an example, what harm could I possibly do in a ladies’ room? Look at other women’s vaginas? But can you imagine the possible harm that could befall me if I go to a men’s room?     

Before, I used to pay Php150 for coffee at Starbucks just so I could use their restrooms which are not gender specific. This caused me to have a urinary tract infection. Other girls I know would pay for a movie ticket even if they didn’t want to watch the movie just so they could sneak into the restroom.     

A few years ago, I was fired from my job because I started to express my real gender by growing my hair and putting on women’s garb.    

The reason for termination was, of course, something else other than that.  I actively searched for a job after that, enduring as many as 3 interviews in a week. This went on for 6 months. I even applied for entry-level positions in Marketing, which were way below my qualifications.  I would be called for an interview upon seeing my resume, but when they saw me, they’d politely come up with a reason for the rejection of my application.  An unforgettable encounter I had with a prospective employer was when he said, to my face, “We’re okay with gays but not with the likes of you.”    

Fortunately now, I am employed by an equal opportunity employer who judges me based on my performance and not what’s between my legs or how I choose to present myself. I had to prove myself and work hard, but it paid off. I have earned the respect of my supervisor and colleagues and have been with the same company for the last 6 years.     

I am also in a healthy, loving relationship. My partner looks at me and treats me as a woman. I told him from the start that I am a transsexual woman and he said: “It doesn’t change the way I feel about you”. My partner has always been heterosexual and I wouldn’t want to have it any other way. I wouldn’t want to go out with a man interested in other men.     

He first proposed to me on a trip to London. We were outside the church where Princess Diana got married and he knelt down and proposed. I told him it wasn’t the right time yet, and I think it may have hurt him, but after a year, he proposed again and I said yes.     

I’m incredibly happy. Because of the Gender Recognition Law in the UK, ours will not be a civil partnership, it will be a marriage. Being married has always been my dream as a child to and now it’s going to happen. I’m going to make it happen. It’s the ultimate affirmation of my femininity. I am going to be part of a legitimate and recognized couple.     

Suffice to say that there is nothing really that remarkable about transpeople, beyond the struggles we have to overcome to be accepted as just as normal, just as clever, just as nice just as nasty — just the same as everybody else.   

We just have to try harder, and do more than most to prove it. And all we want is a level playing field, an equal chance to succeed.    

Dee is also one of the co-founders of STRAP or Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines , the first and only transgender support and advocacy group. For more information on STRAP, log-on to their website or e-mail strapmanila@gmail.com. Readers are encouraged to read the Transgender 101 page of the website before making their inquiries.  

•   by Ana Santos

        

Hello, Sex and Sensibilities readers   

It was my pleasure to meet SAS founder and editorial director Ana Santos while in Bali, Indonesia this past summer at the 9th International Congress on AIDS in Asia and the Pacific; she recently invited me to be a guest blogger on this site, and I could not have been more excited to contribute to the sexual health and sensibilities of Filipinas worldwide.

I emailed Ana with a few ideas about blog posts for the month of March, and she encouraged me to focus my first post on the benefits of condoms and their help in reducing HIV transmission in Asian communities.  Given the current controversy with Philippine Department of Health Secretary Cabral, I thought this to be a particularly relevant subject. 

In a recent email, Ana wrote from the Philippines:

It was on the news yesterday that the HIV numbers for Jan 2010 are in and they are again the highest recorded number in a month — overthrowing Dec 09 the previously proclaimed highest number. It just means that the numbers are on a consistent rise and we may no longer be classified as a low-incidence country soon. =(

A simple Google search of the phrase “Condoms in the Philippines”  yielded the following results:

“The Great Hypocrisy About Sex and Condoms in the Philippines…”
“Philippines sits on HIV time bomb”
“Philippines: Anti-Condom Policies Could Spark AIDS Explosion”

So if 1) HIV transmission in the Philippines is on an unprecedented rise, and 2) latex and synthetic condoms are highly effective in preventing HIV transmission during sexual activity… then why is there a such a controversy over making condoms free and available to the Filipino population, especially on a romantic holiday such as St. Valentines Day?

In my research for this first blog post I found much evidence on the positive effects of condom use in the LGBT community, among sex workers and with intravenous drug users in Asia.  While these are all wonderful findings, I was disappointed that I could not easily access more information about the benefits of condom use in other Asian populations.  My first post as a Sex and Sensibilities guest blogger is a personal attempt to make that gap of virtual information a little less wide   

Condoms are for women.  Taking a condom with you for a night out should be as normal as taking your mobile phone, your keys, your purse.  We are responsible for our own health and well-being   Gender norms and attitudes about sex, particularly in relation to roles and responsibilities, have changed significantly in the past few decades.  We are living at a time when we can enjoy a happy and healthy sex life!  Women who carry condoms are not loose – we’re just smart.  Like men, we cannot predict the future, but we should try our best to be prepared for it.

Condoms are for Catholics.  An enormous part of being a good Catholic is caring for and respecting those around you.  By using condoms, you are demonstrating the deep care you have for both yourself and your partner.  You are showing that you respect the right to live a healthy and happy life; the right to family planning and to have children only when you are ready; the right to choose how, when and with whom to engage in sexual activity; the right to decide what is best for you.

St. Valentine is the Catholic Patron Saint of Love, Young People and Happy Marriages.  In 496 AD Pope Gelasius marked February 14th as a celebration in honor of his martyrdom.  In 2006, National Condom Week was celebrated for the first time from February 14th to February 21st in California, a state that is populated by nearly 480,000 Filipinos.  As I was raised a Catholic and taught to pray to the Saints for strength and hope, I’d like to believe that St. Valentine helped to conspire in this happy, week-long observance   Click here to download Sex in the HIV/AIDS Era: A Guide for Catholics and to read about why Good Catholics Use Condoms.

Condoms are for everyone.  We should all learn about condoms, their health benefits as a medical device and even their added benefits beyond prevention.  If you are sexually active, then you should know that condoms are highly effective in preventing both unintended pregnancy as well as sexually transmitted infections, including HIV.  If you are not sexually active, you should still know this life-saving information so that you can pass it along to the people in your life who are sexually active.  You don’t need to know how to drive a car to understand the benefits of wearing a seat belt, right?

Sex is a choice.  You can choose to not have sex, and the people that truly care about you should respect your decision; but if you are going to choose to be sexually active, then you need to know the options you have to protect yourself and your partner.
 

I love your emails!  Write to me with your questions and comments: SaferSexy [at] gmail.com
Check in on my blog:  http://CircaJoyLynn.wordpress.com
Follow me on Twitter:  http://twitter.com/CircaJoyLynn

• Read more about world – SASs Joy Lynn. 

        

Joy Lynn Alegarbes demonstrates proper insertion of a female condom at ICAAP9.

“You insert it into the vagina like this and then push it all the way back…”, said a distinctly female voice.   

Who was this woman whose clear voice enunciated each word with such authority?  Who was this woman who had such a commanding presence? And what was she inserting?!?   

 It was August 2009. I was attending  the International Conference on AIDS in Asia and the Pacific (ICAAP9) in Bali, Indonesia on a media scholarship and I had never seen so many condoms in my life, but this stopped dead in my tracks. I squeezed myself in between the huddle of photographers.   

In the middle of inflated different colored condoms arranged in a line standing at attention, was a woman demonstrating how to properly insert a female condom using a vaginal model.   

“When you’re done. You twist it around three times, pull it out of the vagina, wrap it in a tissue and dispose of it as you would a male condom.”   

Photographers clicked away throughout her demonstration, but asked her to indulge them and do another. She graciously obliged and did it all over again in exactly the same manner.   

I had to meet this woman who could demonstrate how to put on a female condom with such precision and panache.   

I waited until the small crowd had thinned and introduced myself.  The woman was Filipina-American Joy Lynn Alegarbes, the Global Director for Operations of The Condom Project.   

The Condom Project is present in 10 different countries and uses  innovative means like workshops and performance art in their mission to de-stigmatize condom use. Joy Lynn travels all over the world giving safer sex workshops and educating communities about how proper and consistent use of condoms can significantly lower the risk of HIV infection.  One of these unorthodoxed methods is The Condom Zone, where Joy Lynn had given her demonstration, and which could best be described as a feast for the eyes — it was like a condom candy store.   

“A primary focus of The Condom Project is to destigmatize condoms. But it is impossible to even begin a dialogue about the efficacy of condoms if people are not willing to say or even hear the word “condom”.  Even in groups made up of professionals in the HIV/AIDS field, there may be people who are uncomfortable with condoms.  We believe that condoms are for everyone!”, says Joy Lynn explaining the rationale of The Condom Zone.   

Joy Lynn in the 'zone' -- The Condom Zone where condoms of different colors and textures are displayed.

 To nuke this discomfort, Joy Lynn sets up  The Condom Zone. “This is where I can educate visitors about a variety of lubricants; I also have a display of condoms that are unrolled and inflated so that visitors can see different sizes, shapes, colors and textures available around the world.”.  

On becoming a sexual health advocate   

Being a sexual health advocate started way back in her college days at New York University (NYU). Joy Lynn traces what she calls her genesis to a Phallic Food Festival she attended during her freshman year.    

“It was a dinner of sexually suggestive foods — melons, hot dogs & buns, ice cream, cherries — followed by a safer sex workshop conducted by a another student from NYU’s Center for Health Promotion.” Joy Lynn recalls.   

“I felt so drawn to the format of gathering over food, asking honest questions and sharing clear & accurate information. It was dialogue that was so often stigmatized in other situations that I applied to become a Sexual Health Advocate.”   

She supplemented her training by joining the HIV/AIDS theater group of the American Red Cross in her community. Joy Lynn then began facilitating condom workshops about safer sex practices and the use of sex toys within her academic community.   

After graduation, Joy Lynn went on to work for Condomania, the first condom store in the US to offer a full range of condoms and safer sex products along with educational materials advocating their proper use.   

Adding to her knowledge with self-study, Joy Lynn developed Condomania’s outreach program about safer sex which grew to a national level. “My workshop started getting the attention of the likes of MTV, The Discovery Channel and Fox News.”, says Joy Lynn.   

When Joy Lynn joined The Condom Project in 2004, she began to conquer the world and hasn’t stopped since.   

Joy Lynn takes time in between travelling to Vienna where AIDS2010 will be held and filming her condom workshop in the 6 different UN languages to be the first ever Sex and Sensibilities guest blogger.   

Welcome, Joy Lynn! We’re proud to have a fellow-Filipina dishin’ out the SASs on a global level.      

By Ana Santos