sexandsensibilities.com

This article was written by Ana Santos and was first published in Female Network.com.

Confused by the message “I’m in a relationship, and it’s complicated”? Check out these 10 relationship types, with definitions.

Just like everything that comes in more than one variant—shampoo, conditioner, even your coffee—relationships are no longer cut and dried or classified as simply black or white.  You’re simply no longer either just single or attached. There are a number of stages to any relationship, and a number ofrelationship types as well.

Here’s a summary of some new types of relationships that may define that ever ubiquitous status: it’s complicated.

Are you in any of the relationships listed in the slide show below? Or maybe you’re in a hitherto unnamed relationship type. Let us know by leaving us a comment!

SLUMMING (Photo courtesy of Columbia Pictures)

Main entry: SLUMMING

Function: Verb, e.g., “She’s just slumming.”

Definition: He says to-mah-to, you say to-may-toe.  You’re pretty much night and day personality-wise, especially with regard to educational background, upbringing, work, and maybe even manner of speaking. Either you’re just biding your time until someone better comes along, or you’re in love.

Reel example: Maid in Manhattan, Ever After, and just about every Cinderella or Prince-and-the-Pauper movie you can think of

Pros: You learn to be flexible and accepting.

Cons: A chance you’ll fall in love and risk settling for what you know wouldn’t have worked out in the first place. (Think Kris Aquino and James Yap.)

BRAND NAME COUPLE (Photo courtesy of 20th Century Fox)

Main entry: BRAND NAME COUPLE

Function: Noun, e.g., “They’re a brand name couple.”

Definition: You’re both popular, successful, and beautiful.  You’re two individual persons but your union is surrounded with such mystic or scandal that people cannot separate the two of you.  You are a power couple, and many of your friends may think of your lives in only two terms: before you got together, and after. Basically, you’re your own personal love team!

Reel example: Mr. and Mrs. Smith, who later became “Brangelina.”

Pros: Every other couple wants to be like you.

Cons: Every other couple wants to be like you.

POLYANDROUS (Photo courtesy of Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, The Weinstein Company, and Optimum Releasing)

Main entry: POLYANDROUS
Function: Adjective, e.g., “Have you ever tried polyandrous dating?”

Definition: You love him, he loves her, and she loves you, too. That can go the other way around and can even multiply to include a small group of people who share the love in a very literal fashion. You’re in a polyandrous relationship—a relationship where you all love one another and are just open about it.

Reel example: Vicky Cristina Barcelona—Penelope Cruz, Scarlett Johansson, Javier Bardem. Together. Enough said.

Pros: There will be a lot of room for experimentation.

Cons: This can work if you have an open mind and are not the jealous type. But like in the movie, in-fighting and competition for the attention of one man could be just too much.

HE'S-WILL-I'M-GRACE (Photo courtesy of NBC)

Main entry: HE’S-WILL-I’M-GRACE

Function: Adjective, e.g., “It’s a he’s-Will-I’m-Grace kind of arrangement.”

Definition: He’s cute, dresses well and is exceptionally well built. You talk about boys and the latest trends of the season. The two of you watch Sex and the City reruns, showbiz news, and the Lifestyle Network together. He’s basically your GBFF: gay BFF. He may have even promised to marry you if you don’t find The One or donate his sperm so you can make your own little one. But as Dr. House said, “He’s not pitching a tent for you as his lady, because, well, you’re a lady.”

Reel example: Will and Grace, of course!

Pros: You have everything you could ever want in a man.

Cons: No sex (we did mention the tent-pitching, didn’t we?). But well, considering the love, affection, and friendship that many women enjoy with their gay boyfriends, under those circumstances, the trade-off seems like a good deal.

BED BUDDY (Photo courtesy of CBS Television Studios)

Main entry: BED BUDDY

Function: Adjective, e.g., “He’s my bed buddy.”

Definition: This is also known as being friends with benefits. You know each other only in the carnal sense. You see each other for a no-strings, just-good-old-fun roll in the hay. This is a purely utilitarian, low maintenance relationship that is good when you’re getting over a past one. It’ll get you through the tough times when the words “famine” and “drought” can be applied to your love life.

Reel example: Any soap opera drama like 90210, Gossip Girl, etc.—take your pick.

Pros: Can be mutually beneficial and self-fulfilling if you can both manage to have the same level of expectations. If used wisely, the FB arrangement can keep you from going back to a bad relationship just to be with someone and can be a great cure for a broken heart.

Cons: Can be disastrous if one of you begins to hope for something more than a booty call.

EXPIRATION DATING (Photo courtesy of Fox Searchlight Pictures)

Main entry: EXPIRATION DATING

Function: Verb, e.g., “We’re expiration dating”; also, Noun, e.g., “We’re engaging in expiration dating.”

Definition: This is the relationship you find yourself in when you’re on holiday in a country where no one knows you, when you’re at a conference and the situation is just ripe for meeting someone. But whether you like it or not and no matter how good it is, things are just going to end, and you’ll usually know exactly when that termination is going to come. Just console yourself with the knowledge that all good flings come to an end. Still, if you’re determined to push it to the next level, FN has a few tips.

Reel example: 500 Days of Summer

Pros: You have to make the most of the time you have, which amplifies every moment and makes it intoxicatingly exciting.

Cons: It ends before it every really begins, so you have to keep your heart in check.

KEPT WOMAN (Photo courtesy of Touchstone Pictures)

Main entry: KEPT WOMAN

Function: Noun, e.g., “She’s a kept woman.”

Definition: He pays your rent, takes you shopping, sends you on vacations.  Spa treatments and other cosmetic procedures are thrown in along with the designer bag. You think it’s a dream relationship and you’re blinded…by love, or money.

Reel example: Pretty Woman

Pros: You get a life of luxury and leisure.

Cons: People, especially the other ladies, will look at you and use names like “mistress” and “kabit.”

Note: This is not limited to women. Men can also be “kept,” in which case, the names applied are usually “gigolo” or “boytoy.”

PINING AWAY (Photo courtesy of Universal Pictures)

Main entry: PINING AWAY

Function: Verb, “I’m pining away for you.”

Definition: Also known as unrequited love, this is the crush that never goes away, and all of a sudden, you find yourself imagining what a relationship with that person would be like. This person becomes the standard by which you measure everyone else, which prevents you from ever being happy in a relationship with anyone else. You may even imagine having had a past with this person.

Reel example: Mark’s love for Juliet in Love Actually—although he takes a very healthy attitude when he says, “Enough now, enough.”

Pros: Since this relationship exists in your head, you never have to suffer the disappointment of knowing that your crush has feet of clay.

Cons: You chain yourself to a fantasy that prevents you from ever getting to be with someone who can return your feelings.

ALMOST LOVER (Photo courtesy of Columbia Pictures)

Main entry: ALMOST LOVER

Function: Verb, e.g., “He’s my almost lover.”

Definition: You hang out all the time, you call each other nightly, everyone thinks you’re a couple, and God knows, you wish you were–but you aren’t. You don’t know what else to do. You’re intimate and personal and you know that you’re right for each other, but, well, it just isn’t happening. And the worst part? He isn’t gay, taken, or entering the priesthood.

Reel example: Julianne Potter (Julia Roberts) in My Best Friend’s Wedding; Tom Bailey (Patrick Dempsey) in Made of Honor.

Pros: You’ve got a good friendship going.

Cons: Like someone who is pining away, you waste your time hoping for something that will not happen and prevent yourself from being with someone who can truly love and appreciate you.

GOING GREEN (Photo from Cleopatra courtesy of 20th Century Fox)

Main entry: GOING GREEN

Function: Verb, e.g., “This relationship is going green.”

Definition: You’ve broken up, gotten back together, broken up, gotten back together, and broken up—basically, it’s a lather-rinse-repeat kind of pattern you have going. Also known as the on-again-off-again relationship, this entails recycling a past relationship and hoping that the second, third, fourth time around will be sweeter than the last, when really all your friends have stopped keeping track of whether or not you’re together.

Reel example: Liz Taylor and Richard Burton, who were considered Hollywood’s IT couple long before Brangelina. In the end, even if they did marry each other twice, they also got divorced both times.

Pros: You’re a fan of conservation.

Cons: Other than being into recycling, you’re setting yourself up for a vicious cycle of fighting, breaking up, making up, and then fighting again. It’s draining and counterproductive. You broke up for a reason—remember that the next time you feel like you absolutely need to get together again.