By Janina Santos, Sex and Sensibilities.com Youth Correspondent

The problem is, whenever somebody says the word “vagina”, Filipinos tend to faint, if not simply drop dead.

Picture this:  a kid running around with an inflated condom, a teenage girl knowing perfectly well how the birth control pill works. Their parents would probably have a heart attack. Sex is taboo in the Philippines. People do not like talking about it, and when they do, they speak of it in hushed voices, behind a cupped hand.

Kun Mechai's "dick stick"

In contrast, when Thailand’s former senator and 1994 Ramon Magsaysay awardee Mechai Viravaidya says “vagina”, he opens his mouth and enunciates every single syllable. When Kun Mechai talks about sex, it is in a funny, in-your-face way that would make you take him seriously and think yourself stupid for branding something as biologically natural as fornication taboo. He is the kind of guy who would happily give out inflated condoms to pre-schoolers and to sex workers, coupled with his no-nonsense words of wisdom: “don’t leave home without it”. He advocated for the education of ordinary citizens like floating market vendors and taxi drivers on the know-hows of contraception. He even got Buddhist monks in the game by asking them to bless family planning devices before giving them out (imagine that happening here; the CBCP will probably curse us all with fire and brimstone). In fact, it is this attitude toward the idea sex and contraception that earned Kun Mechai the title “Condom King”.

Photo from http://suchith.myaiesec.net

Kun Mechai almost single-handedly curbed the population growth by actively promoting, educating, and empowering men and women to have control over their bodies and their futures. He saw to it that contraception devices were available even in Thailand’s version of the sari-sari store. He organized vasectomy festivals and motivated the men to be more involved in family planning. Thailand’s population explosion was halted in its tracks, and from 41 million in the 1970s, Thailand’s population rose to only about 61.5 million in the 2000’s. To fight AIDS and the discrimination of persons iving with HIV (PLHIV), he personally handed out rubbers in the Thai’s red light districts with his companions wearing condom-embellished miniskirts and baseball caps. These efforts were complemented with programs for PLHIVs to attain economic stability.  There were an estimated 7 million Thais saved from HIV because of these out of the box ideas.

During the Condom King’s recent talk at Mulat Pinoy’s “Beyond Condoms: Nation Building and the Youth” at the University of the Philippine’s College of Engineering Auditorium, he gave out a memory stick with an unmistakable resemblance to a penis to a girl who openly claimed that she was mortified by condoms. Talk about a hands-on approach to the problem of embarrassment.

Handing out what is fondly called the “dick stick” is just one of the many humorous– serious ways of how Kun Mechai makes his point. It is obviously effective in Thailand. But just how relevant are his methods in a sex phobic society such as the Philippines?

Some say it won’t be possible by a long shot, because many people here, particularly those who belong to the institutions hell-bent on keeping mum about sex and sexual health, go into convulsions if we even suggest talking to high school kids about safe sex.

Foaming at the mouth, twitching violently, the works. But as Mr. Condom says, these people only rent the country, we own it. He himself had to go up against the conservative thinking of Thai society to push through with his ideas. If Thailand can do it, why not the Philippines?

It starts with the young, Kun Mechai said.  Make the youth realize that sex is not something bad, but is an innate interest of every human being.  This kills the stigma attached to sex, and opens the kids’ minds to it.

The kids would be easy, but what about the adults, though?

I have a proposition: Why don’t we all start by opening our mouths and saying this word slowly, relishing each syllable, really wrapping and rolling it in our tongues.

C’mon, say it with me: va—gai–nah.

        

This post is from this blog.

-

Last night, I had a nightmare where in I attended mass and it showed a Powerpoint on the RH Bill that I greatly disagreed with.

Today, that nightmare came true. Only it did not just cover the RH Bill. The mass was used to convince parishioners to sign a petition that would support the Barangay Ordinance on “The Safety and Protection of the Unborn Child”. An hour had already passed thanks to the long, highfalutin speech of the priest who insisted that if you did not agree with that ordinance, you are cursed. Yes, those were his words. He was even so defensive at first, saying that he wasn’t twisting the homily to fit a discussion on the ordinance.

My mother, a faithful member of the Opus Dei, could tell how I disgruntled and upset I was. She advised me to simply pray for the Church, as what they were using the mass for was not the essence of the sacrament Catholics observe every Sunday.

No one in my family signed the petition being passed around.

The most astounding argument was this: apparently, we have too many choices. Where we live, where we work, even how we look because of plastic surgery. So having the choice whether or not to have children is too much.

The choice as to where one lives, works, and looks is limited to the RICH. A jeepney driver can only choose where he lives based on his meager income. His wife does not have the PRIVILEGE of vanity, of deciding how good she will look, because her husband’s income can only be stretched for BARE NECESSITIES.

It is not will that makes those choices here in a third world country. It is MONEY. And of course, residents of Ayala Alabang do not understand the LACK OF CHOICE poor people suffer because they are free to choose with the MILLIONS they make.

I am not poor, but neither I am rich. I could choose to eat in Powerplant mall for lunch. But the money I make, says otherwise. Better I save the excess I would spend for the long-term. What I make is only enough to support ME, one person, and not an entire family.

Now imagine a laborer who makes a little less than I stretching that income to his wife and 5+ kids. Basic costs for food, transportation, education (if they can even afford it for ALL), and shelter are multiplied. Because their income provider makes less, less goes to each child.

TO LIVE doesn’t only mean giving birth to a kid but letting it roam naked on the streets. It also means giving that child enough food, clothing, shelter, and education to live their live to the fullest. Money gives access to these basic needs.

Also, some women do not even have the choice to have sex or not. Or the privilege of knowing what it entails. We’ve heard it before: drunk husbands coming home angry and excited, or young women having sex without any awareness of the consequences because they lack the education.

So, to the privileged residents of this village, next time you say WE HAVE TOO MANY CHOICES, consider that the WE does NOT include the MILLIONS suffering in poverty who do not have the same access to basic needs (and MUCH, MUCH, more, ie, 10+ cars in a garage) and must stretch their income to live DAY BY DAY.

By being pro-poor and pro-choice, I am pro-life.

        

This article was originally posted on the Female Network website,  March  2010

How safe is the sex you’re having? FN doles out the facts to help you stay protected. By Ana Santos

Of course you’re familiar with the term “safe sex”—who isn’t?  But do you know the term “safer sex?”

Safer sex means sexual contact that does not involve any exchange of blood, semen, or vaginal fluids.

Technically, and in absolute terms, sex cannot be guaranteed as 100 percent safe. That’s why the term “safer sex” is considered to be more appropriate by many sexual health advocacy groups.

However, encouraging safer sex is harder said than done, not the least because of people’s insufficient or incorrect knowledge about how to practice it—and many people are ignorant of their ignorance. Check out these statements concerning safer sex that many people believe in, but which may not actually be true. Find out what’s right and what’s not by reading on.

Fact or fiction? It’s okay to go bareback (no condom) as long as my guy puts on a condom right before ejaculation.

FICTION. Don’t be tempted to go for a skin-to-skin feel. Even pre-ejaculate, the clear, colorless fluid that comes out of a mans’ penis when he is aroused, can cause infection. Plus studies show that there is also a small chance that you can become pregnant with pre-ejaculate, so why take the risk?

Fact or fiction? After hitting the home run, I shouldn’t let my guy linger inside me for a while, even if he’s wearing a condom.

FACT. After ejaculation, while holding the rim of the condom to prevent any leakage, the penis should be pulled out while still hard. Letting him grow “soft” inside means he won’t fit snugly into the condom anymore and semen may seep out.

Fact or fiction? Kissing, cuddling, masturbation, phone sex, and watching erotic films together are all forms of safer sex.

FACT. Yes; as all of the above activities do not involve an exchange of bodily fluids, these are to be considered safer sex options.

Fact or fiction? Condoms should also be used for oral sex.

FACT. As a general rule of thumb, a condom should be used for any kind of sex—vaginal, anal, and yes, even for oral sex—as a cut or a rash in your mouth can expose you to certain infections. Before switching from oral sex to vaginal sex, you should also use a new condom.

If you find the thought of having to “taste” a condom yucky, try flavored condoms like LICK wild tutti frutti and juicy strawberry made with real fruit flavors. Flavored condoms (note that flavored is different from scented) make oral sex pleasurable, safe, and, well, tasty.

Fact or fiction? It’s only normal that penetration is sometimes painful and uncomfortable and has no impact on safe sex.

FICTION. While you can experiment with different positions that make penetration more pleasurable, you should also check for vaginal dryness. Vaginal dryness is a common condition that may be brought about by the fluctuating hormones of menopause, smoking, childbirth (post partum), or breastfeeding, as well as certain medications. These bring down your estrogen levels, making your vagina extra-dry and irritated.

Penetration when you’re not lubricated adds friction which may cause tears in the condom.  Lubricants can make sex both more pleasurable and safe by reducing the risk of condom breakage. Just be sure you are using the right kind of lubricant.

Fact or fiction? Vaseline Petroleum Jelly or lotion can be also be used as a lubricant.

FICTION. Oil-based or petroleum-based products like Vaseline will compromise the integrity of the condom. Make sure to only use water-based lubricants like KY Jelly or silicone-based lubricants specifically intended for male condom use.

Remember: when used properly, lubricants can greatly help reduce the risk of condom breakage.

Fact or fiction? Condoms just decrease pleasure, so I should go on the pill, which will also protect me against STIs/HIV.

FICTION. The pill is effective in preventing untimely or unplanned pregnancy, but it cannot protect you from a sexually transmitted infection. The condom, as certified by the World Health Organization, is the only device that can act as an effective barrier against both sexually transmitted infections and unplanned pregnancy.

Fact or fiction? Condoms are known to break; therefore, they’re not at all reliable.

FICTION. The World Health Organization (WHO) certifies that condoms are effective barriers against herpes simplex, hepatitis B, Chlamydia, and gonorrhea, and can reduce the risk of HIV infection to nearly zero. While some condoms have been known to break, it is more often out of human error rather than manufacturer defect. Don’t use sharp objects like scissors, teeth, or long nails to open a condom wrapper, and always check the expiration date on the pack before using it.

Fact or fiction? I should keep a pack of condoms in my glove compartment just in case.

FICTION. A true girl scout knows that condoms need to be stored in a cool, dry, and dark place, away from humidity, heat, air, and sunlight. The best place to store condoms is your medicine cabinet or your bedside table. Cool, quirky condom storage boxes and compacts are also available online at www.condomania.com

Fact or fiction? Using sex toys poses zero STI/HIV risk infection.

FICTION. The risk may be considered to be low, but the fact is that anything that comes in contact with bodily fluids and goes into a person’s rectum and/or vagina could transmit HIV or other STDs, and this includes sex toys. Never share sex toys, and if you do share a sex toy with your partner, use a new condom on it. Clean sex toys properly after each use—make sure you pay attention to indicated cleaning and care instructions.

        

 Get a chance to win this SPECIAL EDITION LICK HOODIE by simply completing the sentence below –

“One of the hot, hot, hot reasons why LICK condoms can give me the best protection from the heat of summer is _____________”

Give it your best shot and give us the wackiest, sassiest, sexiest answer you can drum up. We’ll pick the best answers that will leave us falling over ourselves laughing!

Ten winners will get a FREE LICK Condom pack sent to a designated delivery address. One best answer from the tight circle of 10 will even get this special edition fiery pink LICK hoodie.

**Oh, and in case you’re wondering — of course, the boys can join in on the fun so they can a chance to get their stash of LICK condoms, too.  Every SASs girl loves a man who isn’t squeamish about condoms use! : )

Mechanics:
 
1. All you have to do is post your answer to this blog post. (You don’t have to put your real name, but don’t forget to indicate a working email address where you can be contacted in case your entry is chosen.)

2. We’ll  pick our the top 10 kick-SAS answers and give them FREE LICK condoms and discreetly send them to a designated mailing address.  One  scene-stealer, show stopping answer will get a FREE fiery pink LICK hoodie delivered to them, apart from the FREE LICK Condoms. 

3. You can enter as many different answers  as you want, but duplicate entries will not be counted. (This isn’t a raffle!)

4. Last day for submitting entries will be May 12, 2010. Winners and winning entries will be announced on May 15, 2010.

        

As it turns out, condoms have been around for a very long time. The Egyptians led the way in using linen sheaths as protection as far back as 1,000 BC. Here’s a short history of condoms, or what every SASsy girl affectionately calls the Love Glove, provided by the Condom King. 

1000 BC
Condoms use can be traced back several thousand years. Images from about 1000 BC portray the acient Egyptians wearing a linen sheath. It’s up for discussion as to whether they wore it for protection or for ritual reasons. 

100 – 200 AD
The earliest evidence of condom use in Europe comes from scenes in cave paintings at Combarelles in France. 

1500s
In Italy, research by Gabrielle Fallopius found the linen sheath useful for prevention of infection, and later its usefulness for the prevention of pregnancy was recognized. 

1700s
How did condoms get their name? Some believe it was named for “Dr. Condoms,” who supplied King Charles II of England with animal tissue sheaths. Others believe the name came from a “Dr. Condon” or “ Colonel Cundum.” It likely came from the Latin word “condom,” which means “receptacle.” 

1844
Goodyear and Hancock began to mass-produce condoms made out of vulcanized rubber, which is a stronger and more elastic material. 

1861
The first advertisement for condoms was published in an American newspaper when The New York Times printed an ad for “Dr. Power’s French Preventatives.” 

Early 1900s
Social hygienists fought to prohibit the use of condoms by Americans, resulting in U.S troops in World War I having the highest rate of STDs – over 70%. By World War II, a more realistic attitude had emerged and the government aggressively promoted the use of condoms. 

1960s
The sexual revolution of the ‘60s resulted in a decline in condom use as more and more youth practiced free love – without condom usage. 

        

I conducted a brief experiment to find out. 

I tasked a small group of my friends to make their way into one of our friendly neighborhood pharmacies here in New York City, find the condom section, then spend no more than 7 seconds deciding which ones to purchase.  Their selections were not only disappointing, but they potentially put their personal safety and sexual pleasure at great risk. 

Specific results of the 7-second condom experiment 

One friend left the store with a box of flavored condoms.  He did not realize that flavored condoms are designed specifically for oral sex and are not recommended for use during vaginal sex, because the flavored lubricant may be an irritant for some women. 

The next friend proudly chose a box of condoms made by a very well-reputed condom company, but she did not realize why the words “climax control” were printed on the cover.  This particular type of condom contains a desensitizing agent, designed to slightly numb the head of the penis in order to lengthen the duration of sexual activity. 

Another friend emerged from the pharmacy with a box of lambskin condoms.  These are much more difficult to find than latex condoms, but they do exist… Little did my friend know that lambskin condoms are only effective in pregnancy prevention, but are not to be used to prevent sexually transmitted infections, such as HIV. 

And yet another friend produced a box of condoms that was, quite simply, expired.  He had just failed to take the time to check the expiration date printed on the side of the package.  Just as grocery stores may forget to take every single carton of expired milk off the refrigerator shelves, a pharmacist might miss a box of recently expired condoms.  Make it your job to know the quality of what you are buying. 

All of these mistakes could have been avoided by doing one very simple thing: taking the time to read the condom package.  I understand that shopping for condoms can be difficult and we might want to rush through it for many reasons, but it really does pay to muster up some courage and take your time.  

To help you find the perfect condoms quickly and easily, I have created a simple checklist for the SASsy woman and her partner to make condom shopping easier and more efficient.  Just follow these guidelines and you’ll be in and out of there in no time, with the appropriate prophylactic for you! 

The SASsy Woman’s Guide to Buying Condoms 

? Are the condoms expired?  Be sure to check the expiration date printed on the condom’s package.  If the expiration date has passed, then do not buy it! 

? Has the condom package has been opened or damaged?  1) Check the package for holes or tears, 2) make sure it is still sealed shut and 3) shake the box so that you know there are definitely condoms inside.  People may have difficulty buying condoms, but they seem to find stealing them quite easy. 

? What is the condom made of?  The most common types of condoms are made of latex, but in many countries condoms can also be made from synthetic materials (including polyurethane, nitrile and polyisoprene).  Latex and synthetic condoms, when used correctly, help to prevent both unintended pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, such as HIV.  

Condoms made from animal products, such as lambskin, are only to be used to prevent unintended pregnancy – they will not help to prevent sexually transmitted infections, such as HIV.  If you would like to try a naturalskin condom, you should: 

1) be in a monogamous, heterosexual relationship?
2) have the same definition of “monogamy” as your partner, and?
3) be tested and knowledgeable about your STI status 

If you can, I definitely recommend using latex condoms – they are widely available and come in a variety of sizes, shapes, colors, textures, flavors and even with enhanced lubricants.  If you are latex-sensitive but still need to guard against sexually transmitted infections, condoms made of synthetic materials are your best option. 

? What size condoms are you looking for?  Condoms are available in a snugger, slimmer fit, a standard size or a larger, roomier fit.   Start with a standard size condom, then experiment if necessary – it is best to find the condom that most comfortably fits your (or your partner’s) body shape for maximum pleasure, and to ensure that it does not slip off or become damaged during use.
 

Now that you have the basics covered, it is time to ask yourself:  What else do you want from your condom, besides protection? 

? Are you looking for texture?  Condoms with ribs, dots or other pleasurable meshes are available with textures along the outside (for the receptive partner), the inside(for the penetrative partner) or on both the inside and outside of the condom. 

? Are you looking for a different shape?  Almost any condom that flares or gives extra space around the head of the penis can enhance sensation for both partners.  Anatomically shaped condoms are also available if you prefer a smooth, seamless fit.    

? Are you looking for condoms with a special lubricant?  Many latex condoms are also available with an enhanced lubricant.  Some contain the soothing additive aloe vera; others contain a climax control agent, designed to lengthen the duration of sexual activity.  Many people enjoy condoms with a stimulating additive, such as those that produce a warm sensation or condoms that produce a cool, tingling effect.
  

A quick re-cap of what to avoid:
? Flavored condoms for vaginal sex, for reasons stated above
? Nonoxynol-9 (also known as spermicide or N-9), because it has proven to be an irritant for both men & women
? Novelty condoms, which do not protect against unintended pregnancy or STIs
 

And a final word of advice:  Never let anyone make you feel badly about buying condoms, because you are only doing what is best for you and your partner!  Always remember that. 

I hope that you will find this guide helpful   Happy shopping… 

I love your emails!  Write to me with your questions and comments: SaferSexy [at] gmail.com
Check in on my blog:  http://CircaJoyLynn.wordpress.com
Follow me on Twitter:  http://twitter.com/CircaJoyLynn 

• Read more about world-SASs Filipina Joy Lynn  

        

In February of 1945, the City of Manila was completely destroyed in a battle between the United States Armed Forces and the Japanese Imperial Army. An estimated 120,000 people were lost and our beloved City of Manila was never the same again.

Last February 27th, to mark the 65th Anniversary of the Battle of Manila,Intramuros Administration and historian/tourguide extraordinaire Carlos Celdran, hosted the 2nd TRANSITIO MANILA 1945.

The whole Fort Santiago was illuminated with lights and contemporary art installations. Visitors came with banigs, picnic baskets and bottles of wine. Sitting comfortably on the grass, we watched flamenco dancers and listened to 1940s music. If you closed your eyes, you could imagine yourself going back in time to the glory days of Manila when it was very much seen as a posh cosmopolitan city.

You might be wondering why this post is even being written — how would Sex and Sensibilities fit in all of this nostalgia and history?

SAS fit like a glove and by that, we mean the love glove. LICK condoms were handed out to all of the guests of Transitio Manila by girls dressed as Maria Clara.

LICK condomns is the newest product of DKT, Philippines, makers of Trust, Frenzy and Premiere condoms. As the name suggests, LICK condoms are flavored with real fruit flavors: wild tutti frutti and juicy strawberry.

Dressed in a fabulous delicately embroidered modern Maria Clara pina gown (graciously lent by Democratic Socialist Women of the Philippines National Chairperson, Beth Angsioco), I joined in the condom giving. It was a gown that forced me to sit up straighter and walk taller as I proudly handed out condoms to guests.

As you can imagine, it drew a lot of reactions from the guests. Most were amused at the sight of condoms being given out by ladies dressed as the character Jose Rizal made famous in Philippine literature as the embodiment of the virtues of purity and chastity.

It made an impact.  Rather than the usual passive giving out of condoms (or any other product for sampling for that matter) which is mostly just acknowledged with a curt nod, people took notice. “Wow, modern day Maria Claras” some of them said presumably alluding to the need for women to be change along with the times. Guests took a second look and asked questions about the condoms.

Others laughed at the delicious paradox. All too familiar with Maria Clara as the paragon of virtue; here was a ‘replica’ of her, handing out condoms and making a statement — albeit subtle — about the need for safe sex in this day of rising HIV numbers. (And in case you don’t remember, Maria Clara was actually a by-product of her mother’s dalliance with a Spanish friar — the irony is thick enough to cut with a knife!)

I’m sure if LICK condoms were made back then, Maria Clara would have “licked” it and Jose Rizal would have been mighty proud to adore a woman who was sexy and sensible.

        

At 26, Janette* was finally enjoying a real relationship –one that was committed, loving and full of hot steamy sex.

“It was my first serious relationship and the sex was great, but I was always careful and used a condom.”, says Janette. Continue Reading →

        

Photo courtesy of the Australia Department of Health and Ageing

 Sexually transmitted infection. Even just saying the word evokes uneasiness and may involuntarily cause you to speak in mumbled whispers.  But if STIs, as they are properly known (they’re also commonly called STDs, or sexually transmitted diseases), are not the stuff of polite conversation, then where are you getting your information about STI prevention? It’s time for a reality check to see if what you know—or think you know—about STIs is accurate and sound.  
Continue Reading →

        

If there are panty wetters — those things that are sure to make us women want to slip out of our pants and just squiggle into yours,  then there must also be panty poopers – those little things that just ruin it for us and quite frankly, just deflate our mounting desire.

Here are just some of the all-time panty poopers: Continue Reading →