sexandsensibilities.com

By Ana Santos

Last Saturday, I, along with a couple of hundred other people trooped to the cinema to watch another chapter of the Bella, Edward and Jacob love triangle unfold in The Eclipse. There was one part of the movie that particularly caught my attention — the scene where Charlie tries to discuss “taking necessary precautions” with Bella. (Of course, it was THAT scene)

Sensing where the conversation was headed, Bella  retorted, “Mom beat you to this conversation about 10 years ago.”

Undeterred, Charlie ploughed on, insisting that Bella’s conversation with her mother took place during a time when she didn’t have a boyfriend yet. Charlie succeeded mostly in making himself and Bella horribly uncomfortable. Finally, Bella, decided to put both of them out of their misery and, with much reluctance, disclosed the status of her hymen to her father.

The scene reminded me of a recent Reproductive Health (RH) Practitioners Conference I went to sponsored by the Likhaan Center for Women’s Health.

During the conference,  Attorney Beth Pangalangan of the UP College of Law asked the room full of midwives, doctors, RH activists and lobbyists how many were parents. A sea of hands shot up in the air. She quickly followed up with a second question, “How many of you talk to your kids about sex?”. The sea of hands was quickly reduced to a small pond.

“You see. And to think, we are RH practitioners; what more other people who are not RH practitioners?”, she said. Pangalangan made a simple but valid point about sex education in the home.

Here was a room full of people who discussed risky sexual behavior like unprotected anal sex, unintended pregnancy, and dished out the scientific names of body parts – both in English AND in the vernacular – over lunch and sometimes, during. Discussing sexual behavior in it various permutations is par for the course for RH practitioners and yet, a weird awkward feeling still accompanies the thought of discussing sex with our own children.

Perhaps because in front of them, we are not RH practitioners, women’s rights activists or vagina warriors fighting for women’s rights to sexuality and an orgasm. We are simply Mom / Dad. And in that context, it must be equally awkward, if not all out traumatizing, for kids to hear their parents talk about sex.

I once had a conversation about this with columnist and women’s rights champion Rina Jimenez David who wrote the chapter on masturbation in the book, “Body Talk”. Released in the early 90s, “Body Talk” brought issues like petting, sexuality, orgasm out in the open. But Rina’s writing assignment caused her much distress. “I kept on thinking: how am I going to write this? What will my daughter think?”, she shared.

When the book came out, Rina handed her daughter a copy and explained as quickly as possible, “If you have questions, just ask me.”

Parents — whether they are regular Charlies’, RH practitioners like Beth, or women’s rights advocates like Rina — are all somewhat uneasy about opening up the topic of sex with their children.

The last couple of weeks, there have been heated debates about how the subject of sex education should strictly be treated as a family affair and how incorporating it in schools would be a usurpation of one’s parental rights.

The real (and reel) life examples of Charlie, Beth and Rina seem to point to the contrary. In reality, the subject of sex needs to be taught by an institution that can provide neutral and accurate information on the topic. Most parents would prefer that this  institution be the school rather than the internet or some porn movie.

It is not to say that parents are absolved from any responsibility. Far from it.

Manners, and the basics of etiquette and social conduct all start at home. It’s called breeding. Being responsible about relationships and knowing how to make sensible decisions that could potentially affect the rest of your life also start at home.  It’s called values formation.

But, just as homework shifts from simple addition and subtraction to the more complex algebra and trigonometry, parents need outside assistance.

A few days ago, Judge Rosanna Fe Maglaya of the Quezon City Regional Trial Court junked a motion for the issuance of a Temporary Restraining Order (TRO) to stop the Department of Education (DepEd) from implementing its sex education program in elementary and secondary schools. Judge Maglaya dismissed the motion for a TRO on the basis that it lacked merit.  May be she knows all too well, that when it comes to the delicate subject of sex education, parents need all the help they can get.

As the saying goes, it takes a village to raise a child. So while the values when it comes to “sex” start at home, the biology behind the “education” should start at school.