sexandsensibilities.com

Written by Ana Santos for the March 2011 issue of Illustrado Magazine

In Ayala Alabang, home to the rich, famous and powerful, a local ordinance has divided the village. Barangay Ordinance #1 entitled, “Protection of the Unborn Child” prohibits the sale of condoms, birth control pills and other forms of modern contraception without a prescription.

The division this has brought to the neighborhood is evident in the banners that are hung outside homes; some condemning religious bigotry and others proclaiming a pro-life stance.

Both sides site in their arguments the need to protect the lives and health of women and the sanctity of life. Both are principles that are indisputable and without question, to be protected. The bone of contention lies in the manner by which the rights of these two are to be upheld.

For the pro-lifers, it is chastity abstinence and morality. For those opposed to the ordinance, it is freedom of informed choice and the right to act on that choice without coercion or judgment.

And in the middle is the Filipina, the woman they want to protect, the would-be mother who will someday bring life to a child.

This division, these side by side contradictions, is by no means limited to Ayala Alabang Village.

Every where we look, there are contradictions; manifestations of our deep seated Madonna/Whore Syndrome from the motels that pepper the city to the potions and herbal concoctions that promise to bring on delayed menstruation sold outside a church.

It is no surprise that the Filipina of today, tasked to be the gatekeeper of virtue, is confused about the modern values she wants to live by and the traditional values that she, despite this modernity, wants earnestly to preserve.

Both Paragon of Virtue & Woman of Substance

The Filipina is lauded for many virtues such as being conservative and modest. Mahinhin, they would say in the vernacular. Perhaps reminiscent of Maria Clara, these are traditional values that make us unique as Filipinas.

But the modern day Filipina is, in the same vein, lauded for her fortitude, her ambition and drive that are tempered by her innate ability to show empathy and compassion.

It is an ideal mix of the modern empowered woman who has not lost sight of what also makes her a woman.

Even international surveys have taken note of the long way the Filipina has come, showing everyone that she can take on the world.

The Filipino on Top Trailer

The World Economic Forum’s 2009 Global Gender Gap Index, which measures economic participation and opportunity, educational attainment, political empowerment, health and survival of women, ranked the Philippines number 9–in the world. The Philippines was the only Asian country in the top 10.

The Philippines was right up there with the first world countries that hold the gold standard for gender equality. Chalk it up to having not one, but two female presidents, to the many women occupying top management positions commanding boardrooms and the fact that girls receive a higher level of education than boys. (boys are tasked with being the bread winners and thus, have to stop school earlier in favor of making a living)

The empowerment, coupled with the exposure to Western media, has liberalized the Filipina mindset. Strong, yet compassionate and nurturing. Modern in her view, yet traditional in the values she holds dear.

It does sound ideal, but in reality, this makes the Filipina one of the most confused and misunderstood women in the world.

Her own struggle with contradictions, her internal wrestling to come to terms with these values is evident. Thus, it is not at all uncommon to see barely clothed young girls on afternoon TV shows gyrating to tunes about a bulakalak na bumubuka and then taking to the camera to say “Hi” to mama, papa, ate, kuya and their whole barangay. She wears plunging necklines, short shorts, but covers it up with a shawl.

She will engage in intimate sexual relations with a lover or a boyfriend, without being fully aware of its ramifications, both on a physical, emotional and psychological level.

Statistics that indicate that there are an estimated 3.4 million pregnancies in the Philippines every year and half of them are mistimed or unwanted.
Has the Filipina overlooked the need to take control of that one aspect of her life that she should be equally concerned about? Her sexuality?

This is the woman who wouldn’t think twice about making supreme sacrifices to give her family a better life and yet when it comes to negotiating and safeguarding her sexual health and her future in relation to it, she is at a loss.

Friend or flirt?

Here in the Gulf, this confused state is often misinterpreted. The Filipina is perceived to be flirtatious, rather than just being friendly.  Her kind smile, innocuous in most other places, is taken as a hint, as an invitation.

Recently, Illustrado conducted a random survey on sexual harassment involving 100 women between the ages of 20 and 50. The results showed that 75 per cent of the respondents admitted they had encountered forms of sexual harassment at some point.

There are many reports about Filipinas being sexually abused and raped. In some instances, as is in most unfortunate situations, she is blamed. She encouraged advances, she called attention to herself.

The confusion is also often interpreted as naivete. Worse, ignorance for not knowing how to adapt and understand the nuances of a local culture that is much more conservative than the one back home.

Illustrado Magazine Women of Substance 2009 honouree and GeoSciences Testing Laboratory chief executive officer Engr. Mary Jane Alvero-Al Mahdi cites the results of similar research which show that harassment or assault and other forms of “unwanted gestures” from known or unknown individuals happen, simply because the victims are ignorant or refuse to open their eyes to the reality that these could happen to them and therefore are neither on the guard nor oblivious of their surroundings.

“We can control and prevent all these things from happening if we decide not to let these happen to us,” said Al Mahdi.

The Pinoy Schizo

That is the dilemma of the schizophrenic view we have about our sexuality.

According to clinical psychologists, there are several different ways in which a person can develop the symptoms of schizophrenia and that “inheritance (genes) is involved in 28% of cases”.

Could we then have truly inherited this giggling-and-blushing-on-the-outside-but-writhing-and-raging-on-the-inside from our colonizers?

Clinical studies also show that there is no known cure for schizophrenia.

Or maybe it’s not a cure that we should aspire for, but just acceptance of our humanity and yes, we can all say out loud—our sexuality; that acknowledging our sexuality is the first step to putting it in its their proper place, which does not necessarily mean being promiscuous.

At the heart of the matter is the fact that part of accepting our sexuality is recognizing and valuing our options. That we have choices; that we have every right to abstain from sex as well as engage in it. That virtue and chastity, as a matter of personal choice is as much a right as being sexually active.

This realization must also be coupled with personal accountability and (wo)manning up to the consequences of our decisions.

Love, sexual health, motherhood are not things that just come to us by way of fate, as a matter of destiny.

Like all the successes that the Filipina has achieved, these are things that she must take charge of, because they are all ultimately a result of her knowledge and the choices that she makes because of it.