Tag Archives: sex and relationships

Costumes

Posted on 08. Mar, 2013 by in SASsy Must-Reads, Sex & Relationships

Costumes

By Nicai de Guzman

 

It could have been any text message, or even a punctuation mark, but today it was “Are you busy?”

“No. Want to meet up?” I replied right away.

It was the last day of work (read: crunch time!) before Christmas break. I had to oversee some props delivered back to the studio from the set… but since the hottest, most good-looking guy on campus texted me, I was obligated to jeopardize my budding career in television to spend a few hours with him.

Let’s call him A. We’ve been friends since our first year in the university, ever since he sat behind me in English class. After one semester of him teasing me with every boy in the room except himself, and me forgiving him for that time he borrowed my phone only to return it with a gallery full of his photos, we remained friends.

I had a boyfriend who was a senior that time, and I was your typical, stuck-up popular girl. A had a goofy haircut and a bad posture. It took us three more years of awkward friendship, lots of hinting, moments of missed chances, before we stumbled, drunk, into his basement studio and gave each other carpet burns from too much… friction. Pushing and pulling. Pumping and pirouetting.

By this time, A ditched the haircut, and I ditched my boyfriend. He became leader of various student activity groups, played drums for some indie bands, and worked out in the gym until he reached sex god status. When we graduated, half the girls on campus were lusting after him.

Our stumbling into dimly-lit rooms carried on after graduation, even when we started seeing other people. Neither of us talked about our other partners, but of course we heard about them from common friends.

Pretensions aside, I always felt a little stab in my chest when common friends talked about him and some new girl.

I can’t blame our friends. They don’t know about us and I preferred it stayed that way. Whenever A comes up in our conversations, I had to smile, I had to feign interest, and for my sanity, I had to suggest a change of topic. All these were part of an elaborate costume I had to wear to mask how I really felt about him.

“Oh yeah, I bought some new stuff,” I told him when we met up later that day. We were cuddling, still fully clothed, on yet another bed, in yet another hotel room.

That glint in his eyes, that usual smirk. “What is it?” he asked.

“You remember that film we watched the other day, and the girl was wearing those corsets?” I stood up and walked to the overnight bag I brought. “I found one just like the one she had.”

I took it out of the bag and showed him the black, lacey, pearl-studded corset.

“Sample! Sample!” he said as he clapped his hands. I rolled my eyes and went to change in the bathroom.

I was confident of my figure, and he has seen me naked so many times before but it was the first time I would wear a corset. Of course, I’d worn a nurse’s outfit, a Japanese schoolgirl’s uniform, a trench coat (with nothing underneath) and some other stuff, but this was the first time for a corset.

“Well?” I was blushing when I walked out of the bathroom. “What do you think?”

He just sat there, gaping at my body. “Uh… What do you want me to say?”

I appreciated the gawking, but I wanted a verbal confirmation that I’m still the gorgeous bitch he wanted back in college. I pretended to be mad so I frowned as I slid next to him on bed. I turned away from him and covered myself with the sheets.

He groaned. “Oh c’mon, what do we do now?”

“Sleep,” I said. He groaned some more.

“You know, it’s kind of unfair that I’m the only one who stripped into this and you didn’t,” I mumbled from under the sheets.

“Oh, that’s all I have to do?” He immediately took off his shirt and tossed it onto a nearby table. He did the same with his jeans.

“And now?” His bulge was extremely difficult to ignore.

“I told you, we sleep,” I said.

He slid under the covers and we spooned. He was silent for some time then I felt him rubbing his erection on my ass.

“I love it when you wear thongs,” he whispered.

I had to cover my mouth so he wouldn’t hear me moaning. After some time, I started to follow the rhythm of his rubbing.

“I thought we were just going to sleep?” he asked, teasing. He kissed my nape and bit my shoulder.

“Fuck sleeping,” I said. I sat up and took his underwear off.

I blowed him and he got even bigger and harder in my mouth. When I heard his panting get faster, I stopped. I slid my thongs off and mounted him.

I let my moan escape this time.

“Came already?” he asked.

I nodded and bit my lower lip. “‘You’re so big…”

He smiled. He squeezed my nipples through the corset. I let out another moan.

“Can you still move?” he asked, with a hint of concern in his voice.

“Yeah… I’m kinda sensitive though,” I said.

So I kept on riding him, but every once in a while I’d stop and come again.

“Now that’s unfair,” he said. He pulled me down to his chest and pumped from underneath me. He pumped faster and faster, then I heard him say “Shit!” and pull out.

I looked down and there was cum all over the front side of the corset.

He steadied his breathing and saw the cum graffiti on the lingerie. He apologized and I said it was okay.

“I brought more stuff to change into, anyway,” I said.

He pinched my cheek. “You went to that lingerie store again? The one that sold the costumes and stuff?”

He laughed. “I seriously wonder if you think you’re going to a fashion show when you’re just going to see me,” he said.

I pouted. “But I like changing into these costumes…Oh, I also brought that Lolita nightie I wore for my creative shot. And I can put my hair up in pig tails. I know how much you like that.”

I got up and took off the corset. I went to my bag and got my nightie and a pair of red scrunchies.

“I’m just not sure if this look would work on my hair since it’s a lot shorter now,” I said.

I was about to enter the bathroom when he called me.

“Come here, just stay beside me for a while,” he said.

So I cuddled up next to him, and surprisingly, he held my hand.

I wouldn’t call it an uncomfortable silence, those minutes we just held hands. It felt so… natural. Organic. Like lying there, side-by-side while holding hands and completely naked was the most natural thing in the world. I felt like I was on the hem of an epiphany when my complete nakedness shocked me. In this interstice when I was supposed to change into my next ensemble, when I was completely naked, I allowed him to command me.

“I…” he started to say and then sighed.

“You’re really cute,” he finally said. “Even without those costumes.”

Then he pulled me close and kissed my forehead.

I could feel my cheeks getting hot. “Well, you’re really cute, too… And if you’ll excuse me, I have to change into this nightie.”

My heart was racing when I entered the bathroom. What was that about? But I would be lying if I said I didn’t like it, whatever it was.

I checked the clock and counted the hours before our time was up.

The truth is, I was sad we only had several hours to wear these costumes. Just several hours, several excuses, so we can hide from the world, from our partners, from our friends… and pretend to be whoever we want to be.

If we’re lucky enough, or brave enough, maybe even ourselves.#

 

Photo via Phillip Ritchie Photography

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5 Things You Need Know About Being Good in Bed

Posted on 07. Nov, 2011 by in Safe (Sensible) Sex, Sex & Relationships

5 Things You Need Know About Being Good in Bed

Our friends from Pfizer hosted a cozy media gathering with Dr. Rosie King,  sex therapist from Australia and author of the book,

Dr. King shared with us the survey results of an Ideal Sex Survey conducted by Harrison Interactive and Pfizer lastDecember 2010. The survey asked 3,282 male and female respondents in 10 Asia Pacific countrieswhat really constitutes good, toe-curling, back arching sex.

We had a rollickin’ good time as Dr. King answered questions not just about sex in general, not stopping to answer even questions about her own sex life. “I talk about everyone else’s sex life, I have no problem talking about my own.” Describing herself as a deeply sexual being, who despite “being a grandmother has been married to a wonderful man for decades who still thinks I’m a babe”.

It wasn’t just Dr. King’s candor that had the journalists in the room laughing. She revealed a lot of surprising things about sex

1.    What is the secret to good sex?

The formula wasn’t acrobatic moves and creative positions.  It’s actually a bit simpler than that. Unanimously, the respondents in the Ideal Sex Survey Asia all said erection hardness and erection longevity (being able to maintain and sustain a erection all the way to the end of sex).  Frequency of sex and intensity of orgasms were all second fiddle to erection hardness.

And don’t knock it as just sex, there are a number of indications and domino effects related to a good role in the hay.  Read on to number 2.

Photo from Health for Better Life

2.  If keeping it hard is the secret to good sex, then how hard is hard?

Make no mistake about it.  In the same way that not all are created equal, not all erections are made equally hard. There are different erection grades, which are tracked in what is called Erection Hardness Scale (EHS). There are four grades and men should always strive for a Grade 4 erection

Grade 4: No erectile dysfunction.  Penis is completely hard and fully rigid.

Grade 3: Mild erectile dysfunction. This is already considered a sub-optimal erection. Penis is hard enough for penetration but not completely hard

 

Grade 2: Moderate erectile dysfunction. Penis is hard but not hard enough for penetration.

Grade 1: Severe erectile dysfunction. Sexual intercourse is not possible.

As for the domino effects we were talking about, men with no erectile dysfunction—the fourth graders, so to speak–have more sex than their grade 3 counterparts. Women whose partners have no erectile dysfunction and thus, had more sex reported feeling more sexy, had more self-esteem and were generally more into their partners.

Also, women report feel safer and more worry-free in bed when their partners wear a condom or if they are on the pill.  Makes sense, doesn’t it? If she’s not worrying about getting pregnant or catching some sexually transmitted infection, she’s more focused on her pleasure and yours. 

Photos from University of East Anglia, Holistic Medicine Works, Fake Food and Andrea’s Easy Vegan Cooking

3.    It’s not just the quality of the erection, but the quality of the relationship

Yep, nothing beats good old-fashioned feelings when it comes to getting’ the shake in your jiggy—and that goes forboth men and women. In the Ideal Sex Survey, both men and women reported that sex is better with a partner they were in a committed relationship with. Committed relationships bring with it security, more confidence and deeper intimacy. How’s that for a vote for monogamy?

Photo from PeaceFruit

4.    Size really doesn’t matter

This is one of the most fascinating things I learned from Dr. King. “It is only the outer third of a woman’s vagina that has sensation.” And for the cynics in the audience, Dr. King suggested this experiment, “When you get home, the women in this room should try sticking a finger deep inside her vagina and run their nail along side it. You won’t feel a thing. It’s the same reason why she can have a tampon in there.”

Dr. King concluded, “So in reality, a woman only needs a penis about this small”–demonstrating with her thumb and her forefinger a distance that couldn’t be more than 3-4 inches wide–“to pleasure her. It just has to be a hard penis.”

Moving on a more sentimental note, Dr. King said, “Besides, for women, what’s more important is the size of a man’s heart, rather than the size of his penis.”

Photo from Visual Photos

5.    There are different kinds of sex and a lot of it doesn’t happen in the  bedroom

Connection, intimacy and orgasmic heights can be reached and achieved not just through sex. Dr. King, drawing on her more than three decades of clinical experience and her personal experience to make her point. “My husband and I like sex even until now and make it a point to have it regularly. But that’s me. There are some couples who find the same intimacy, pleasure and connection by doing other things—even from just watching TV or washing the dishes together.”

Dr. King ended her session by saying that the results of the Ideal Sex Survey were pretty much universal not just among men and women, but also among the various races and nationalities who took the survey. “It’s not so much our cultures and our nationalities that make us different when it comes to sex. When it comes to this deeply personal and intimate act it is more our humanity that makes us the same.”

Photo from Marriage Thermometer, Cover photo from Johnny Conrad

Find out more about the results of Ideal Sex Survey and what really makes sex “good” in the December / January issue of Playboy Philippines.

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20 Secrets About Women that Men Should Know

Posted on 21. Aug, 2011 by in Sex & Relationships

20 Secrets About Women that Men Should Know

By Ana P. Santos 

At the risk of being accused of treason and betrayal to the highest level, I am going to reveal (hopefully for the first time), some of womanity’s most guarded secrets — insights on the Y chromosome, its motivations and inner workings. These are words of wisdom, passed on from generation to generation, from girlfriend to girlfriend, mother to daughter, sister to sister. An arsenal of secret weapons meant to tease, to attract or just plain drive you crazy, and fall at our feet following our every whim.

Did you know any of these secrets as truths or did you simply think of them as myths?  What you find out just may surprise you.

1. We have different sets of underwear for different occasions

A sexy lacey thong is hot to look at…but that’s just about it. It is meant to be immediately taken off because to have to wear something like that all day everyday is itchy, uncomfortable and just plain torture.

So to limit such torture, we have divided our undergarments by dress code — our fuck panties for your visual pleasure when we know that we’re gonna get some nooky, and our nice comfy cotton undies for everyday use.

Photo from http://www.thisnext.com/tag/hanky-panky/.

 

2. We wear our ratty underwear on purpose to delay sex

Related to number 1, when on a hot date with a guy we really like, we hold off on sex to get to know him better. We know that if we up the ante too fast, it will probably fizzle out just as fast. Easy come, easy go, right? But with the sexual tension rising, delaying gratification is harder for us than you think. And there’s no deterrent as powerful as the prospect of having first time sex with a guy we really like in a tattered lola panty with mismatched bra — we wouldn’t want to see ourselves naked either.

Photo from http://crasstalk.com/2011/05/qotd-what-do-you-wear-under-there/

3.  We dream of being a sex goddesses…in one way or another  

Even the most prudish, most tight-lipped and squeamish woman always wants to be thought of as a goddess by her man. A sex goddess whose bedroom prowess can make your toes curl.

4. We diss in more detail

When chatting with our girlfriends, the men in our lives who are just passing fancies are the subject of very graphic and detailed dissing. We will share everything from your bad taste in shoes, your staying power or lack thereof, how big you are, how hard you can or can not get, or if you have too much skin where you shouldn’t.  No detail is too small to be left unturned. Blow by blow accounts are the stuff our juicy coffee conversations are made of.

A little something you may want to keep in mind the next time you tell the boys about the latest addition to your body count.

Photo from http://empoweredflowergirl.com/2011/03/empowered-flower-girl-announces-new-workshops-this-spring-and-summer/girl-talk/.

5. We know when you’re cheating

It’s women’s intuition, the genetically built in alarm system which tells us when we should be on red alert. Abrupt changes almost always trip the alarm – sudden weight loss, sudden interest in appearance, wardrobe and schedule. Our spider sense starts to tingle, and when that sensor goes off, we will resort to a number of things to validate our hunch. We look through your phone, we show up at your office in the middle of the day to mark our territory and smoke out the competition. We’ll bait you in conversation using information we’ve picked up from our investigations. Most men are usually not good liars when caught off guard.

6. We dress for other women, not for men

Those extra 30 minutes when we say will only take 5 to get ready? They’re not really to look extra put together for you.  We know that you’ll be checking that we don’t show too much skin, that in general, we look pretty enough. When it comes to appearance, you guys are easy to please – you like us best with our clothes off. It’s really the other women who are more critical. They note every new pound or new wrinkle that has set in. They’ll notice if we’re wearing the wrong kind of shoes and laugh sinisterly inside when they don’t.  The extra 30 minutes is a small price to pay compared to the social suicide of being on the Most Wanted List of the Fashion Police.

Photo from http://www.photl.com/en/196616.html.

7. We check out other women and it does matter who is thinner, fatter or prettier or more successful.

Women by nature are catty and competitive. It may be due in part to the peacock behavior.  It is the female peacock who has the more colorful feathers, she is the who prances around with her feathers spread out in all their glory. Mother Nature made it such so that she could attract the male peacocks. It’s part of a female’s second nature to fan out her feathers and strut around displaying them. That way, we know who of the other peacocks have the prettier feathers.

8. We all want to date a Bad Boy to beef up our score card, but would never take him home to meet our mothers

We all, at some point or another (secretly) want to date a Bad Boy. For some of us, it may by “The Messiah Syndrome” — the crusade where we will try to convert a Bad Boy, but for the most part, a lot of us can appreciate and enjoy a Bad Boy for what he is – a guy who will relish bringing out our hidden rebellious streak. It’s like living out a fantasy  — totally hot, but nothing we would ever want our mothers to know about.

Photo from Zimbio

 

9. We don’t all need to be rescued

We come in all ages, shapes and sizes. Just because we’re young and doe – eyed doesn’t mean we need a big daddy figure to guide us through life. Or because we’re older and more sophisticated, we’re desperate and will jump at any man who comes along. Or if we have a child with no father in sight, we need someone to make an honest woman out of us.  There’s a lot more to us than our age and status, and we know when you’re making an effort to get to know the difference.

10. We fantasize about having threesomes

Two men at our feet, so willing to please us and bow to our every whim –  what more can we ask for?

11. We pluck, shave and wax for one reason — we’re expecting some action.

The time, effort and not to mention pain that we go through in getting ourselves primped up for a hot date is because we expect to get a little somethin’ somethin’. So you can bet that if after all that, you’re just gonna give us peck on the cheek at the end of the date, we’re going to be pretty pissed.

Photo from http://oneboredmommy.blogspot.com/2011/07/shaving-legswhats-appropriate-age-for.html

12.  We don’t like “yes” men

There are some women who are just born Queen Bees. When they stand up, there are always at least 2 guys waiting to pull out her chair, carry her bag and another handful at the sidelines, grateful to just worship the ground she walks on.  She is a Queen Bee, and these boys are simply drones made to make her life easier. And these poor drones are more than happy to do that, not knowing that there is a difference between being a drone and being well, a disposable doormat.

13. We get cranky when we don’t get enough sex

We may need less of it compared to men, but we need it nonetheless. And when we’re not getting enough, we’ll start getting bitchy, and a bit high strung. We need to unwind, too, you know.

14. We fake…a lot

It may be because we like you and don’t want to hurt your feelings, or because we want you stop pummeling us already, but accept it, dude, it just makes things simpler most of the time.

15. We don’t lie, we just manipulate

We don’t really lie – we just omit parts of the truth – the parts that you don’t need to know about, play up what you want to hear and viola! Our version of the truth. It still is the truth – just our own self-serving version of it.

16.  Yes, we do need that many shoes and bags.

Shoes are penis substitutes – that’s why we need the same color in varying styles and every so often, need to buy a new one. Finding a pair of shoes we like is like a sexually charged flirtation which needs to be consummated with the purchase of these shoes so we can take them home and enjoy them.

And the bags? We need just as many to match the shoes.

Photo from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Shoes_and_Bags.jpg

15.  We wish you could get some fashion sense from our gay friends

It’s not that we want you sporting the tight t-shirts and low cut jeans especially if you don’t have the body for it. We don’t want you looking gay and be one of those girls who doesn’t know that her boyfriend is gay.  But we do wish you could at least take a hint from a gay man’s choice of shoes.

16.  We wish you would exert more effort in finding our G-spot.

It’s not a remote control with a multiple choice of buttons, where you just aimlessly press a key and orchestrate a blast off from there, if you know what I mean. Unless your ego can take explicit directions, i.e. to the left, to the left — pay attention to the subtle signs and noises we make.

17.  We worry when we’re not getting enough action from you.

You can’t always be tired or not in the mood. You’re a guy, aren’t you? It may be unfair, but we kinda expect you to be a Boy Scout or a porn star – always ready and at attention.  When we haven’t seen some action for at least a month, we’ll start wondering if you’ve been getting it from someone else, if you’ve just lost interest or worse, you’ve started playing for the other Team.

18.  We carry on a lot of flirtations, but never really carry them out.

There will always be one or two guys in the background that we carry on a flirtation with, through text, email or whatever other media can deliver various innuendos, but most of the time, that’s as far as it goes —  harmless banter. Ok, ok, at the most, we will fantasize about doing another guy when we’re actually doing you. Just be thankful we don’t call out the other guy’s name when we’re heading for the homerun.

Photo from http://www.squidoo.com/5-types-of-men-flirtation

19.  We will always have a love hate relationship with your mother, and most of the other women in your life who came before us.

We want to be the only woman in your life so we’re a little wary about that girl best friend of yours, wondering exactly what kind of history you had, and competing with the sisters-in-law for the approval of your mother.  As much as we hate to admit it, we need to be loved by your mother, or at the very least get her sincere approval.

20.  We like being treated like a ‘girl’ even if we say we don’t.

Even the cast-iron-bitches of our kind can be brought to wobble in the knees when her bags are carried, her hand is held, and flowers are sent to her.  There is nothing more disarming than just being looked after in a non-clingy and expectant “I’m doing this to get your pants” manner…well, unless of course she’s allergic to flowers.

 

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No Time to Date: What to Do When You’re Too Busy to Mingle

Posted on 12. Apr, 2011 by in Sex & Relationships

No Time to Date: What to Do When You’re Too Busy to Mingle

This article was written by Ana Santos and appeared originally in Female Network. Re-posted from Female Network.

FN deals with 4 scenarios common to dating in your 30s, and here’s case no. 4: no time to date.

So you’ve set yourself apart from your peers by being the best at what you do. You’re one of the few who actually like your job, and it shows in the accolades you get from your bosses and co-workers. But being at the top of the career ladder has some serious drawbacks, and while your work life may be thriving, your personal life may be suffering as a result. Devoting all your energies to making your career flourish may have helped your company, but what about your social life? Shouldn’t that count for something as well?

Read this article to find out what experts have to say about cases such as this.

CASE #4: NO TIME TO DATE

Gillian, 39, runs her own events management firm and considers herself the most career-oriented among her friends. She has been this way after graduating from college because she became the family breadwinner after her father died 18 years ago. She’s extremely proud that she was able to establish her own business and claims to have no interest in developing relationships at the moment.

“I’ve been in three serious relationships before, but I was committed to my career as well,” she recalls, “and none of them, particularly the last one whom I lived with, seemed to have understood my need to do really well at work.”

Gillian found this strange because she thought that men, of all people, would understand the importance of having a career and a viable source of income. But when she brushes off the idea of having a serious relationship, she says many people mistake her for being a man-hater.

“People seem to have this idea of me as a bitch,” she says, “but I’m really not that at all. Don’t get me wrong. I still do go out, and I have other activities outside of work. I was even president of our high school alumni association, which kept me even busier for a couple of years. It’s just that I can’t be with someone who demands that I give up the time I spend on my work. For me, work is not work. I love what I do. To ask me to give it all up is like asking me to stop breathing.”

Until she meets the man who can accept her for what she is, she says, “we can stay friends and still have a good time, but my dates will remain just that.”


THE EXPERTS SAY:

“There’s nothing wrong with pursuing a career the way Gillian does,” says psychologist Stella Dizon of the Health and Wellness Center in Quezon City, “as long as it’s what she truly wants. What career-oriented people have to remember, though, is to balance career with the rest of life. Like they do in their business, they must determine their long-term personal goals and keep them in mind or work towards it to avoid any regrets later on.”

“I don’t believe women who say ‘I have no time to date,’” says therapist Malyn Cristobal of the Living Free Foundation. “If we really want to, we can find time for whatever it is: shopping, family or friends, even dating. Maybe we need to ask ourselves if we’re just afraid to face the truth— that if we finally find time to date, maybe there’s no one there for us? Or maybe we’re just escaping reality. Why are we choosing not to find time?”

*Names have been changed.
(First published in Marie Claire Philippines, Features section as “The 30+ Dating Files” in February 2009; photo by Niccolo Cosme; adapted for use in Female Network)

View the complete mature girl’s guide to dating by clicking on:
How to Deal When You’re Single after a Long-Term Relationship
Single Mom Looking for Love: When to Tell Your Guy You’re Part of a Package Deal
No Boyfriend Since Birth: How to Enjoy Being Single

 

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No Boyfriend Since Birth: How to Enjoy Being Single

Posted on 12. Apr, 2011 by in Sex & Relationships

No Boyfriend Since Birth: How to Enjoy Being Single

This article was written by Ana Santos and appeared originally in Female Network. Re-posted from Female Network.

FN deals with 4 scenarios common to dating in your 30s, and here’s case no. 3: no boyfriend since birth.

You’re a strong, empowered, successful woman who lives by her own rules and is unafraid of the world’s challenges. In other words, you’re exactly the kind of person other women aspire to be. The only glitch? You’re single. And not just that, you’re part of the NBSB group—No Boyfriend Since Birth.. While this is not an issue to you, your friends and family may be scratching their heads and going, “Is there something wrong? Why are you single?” In this day and age where independence is just as valuable as being in a healthy relationship, should women still have to justify singlehood?

Read this article to see what relationship experts have to say.

CASE #3:

NBSBs come in two forms: those who don’t date and those who are known as serial daters. Irene, a 31-year-old entrepreneur, is both.

“I’ve never had a boyfriend and, honestly, I’m fine with it,” she says. “Sometimes I wonder about how it feels to have one, but I think it’s really because the ones I like don’t like me, and the ones who show interest are not interesting to me.”

But other people don’t seem to find it alright. “I even bought the book NBSB by Claire Betita. The boyfriend of one of my friends said, ‘Tell Irene not to read it in front of other people.’ There’s even a stigma.”

Irene feels that’s most likely because of her serial dating habits. She cringes when she’s asked why she doesn’t have a boyfriend, but it’s other people’s turn to be scandalized when they find out that they were wrong in assuming that she has never been kissed or is a virgin. It’s a far cry from her younger days.

In her 20s, Irene recalls she was more of a manang who hardly went out, had no hobbies or sports interests, and whose social life was limited to a small group of friends. “It was hard when they started getting married. One by one, they were leaving and I was getting left behind.”

These days, however, marrying off her friends is no longer a source of distress for her. “I even enjoy dressing up for their weddings and meeting up with long-lost friends. I‘d like to get married and have children myself, but I’m honestly fine with staying single, too,” she stresses. “That way, I can still enjoy my youth. There are still so many places for me to explore and things to try. I’m more confident in a way that I wasn’t when I was 25. I’m more open and also more financially capable to travel, try out new things–whether it’s a new sport or a new restaurant. It also helps that now there are songs, shows, books for and about being single. I feel sort of empowered by them.”

Irene says she tries not to pressure herself into getting into a relationship. She’s had some instances when she thought she might have met The One, but she doesn’t let herself get too excited “(because) if it’s someone who just doesn’t fit the bill for whatever reason, I won’t force it. Never mind, I’d rather be single.”

THE EXPERTS SAY:

“In our society, the pressure to get into a relationship can be quite intense,” says Psychologist Stella Dizon of the Health and Wellness Center in Quezon City, “as if there’s something wrong with you if you’re not in a relationship or married. It’s the stigma of the old maid.” For serial daters, Dizon says, a double standard applies—male serial daters are sometimes seen as the unattainable cool guy, while women are labeled as whores. “In both cases, it doesn’t have to be a problem. What’s important is that you start or continue to live your life to the fullest.”

“Focus on what’s important to you,” adds Dizon. “Knowing that you can be comfortable with your own company can be a great foundation for building self-confidence that may, in turn, draw you and The One to each other when you least expect it.”

“Take calculated risks. Make dating mistakes and learn from them,” says Irma Mutuc, a therapist at the Living Free Foundation in Makati. “You need to establish your personal benchmark, and you need to start somewhere, so start!

Practice won’t make dating perfect, but it can make it better,” she says.

*Names have been changed.

(First Published in Marie Claire Philippines, Features section as “The 30+ Dating Guide” in February 2009; photo by Niccolo Cosme; adapted for use in Female Network)

View the complete mature girl’s guide to dating by clicking on:
How to Deal When You’re Single after a Long-Term Relationship
Single Mom Looking for Love: When to Tell Your Guy You’re Part of a Package Deal
No Time to Date: What to Do When You’re Too Busy to Mingle

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Posted on 10. Feb, 2011 by in Sex & Relationships

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This article written by Ana Santos may also be viewed on Female Network.

Do his actions indicate an affair, or are you just being too suspicious? Take this quiz to find out!

You and your guy seemed to have the perfect relationship, but you’ve recently started to notice that things aren’t as great as they used to be. Odd behavior, excuses about his whereabouts, and waning interest in dates or sex—these are just some of the things you’ve noticed about your once devoted partner.

They say a woman’s instinct is rarely wrong, especially when it comes to relationships, and many women in your situation would make that leap from “He’s working late nights at the office” to “He might be spending his time with some other woman.” But is he really cheating on you, or are you just overreacting?

Take the quiz to find out if your guy is taking you for a ride on the two-timer rollercoaster, then read our tips on how to deal with the relationship ups and downs you may encounter.

Note: This quiz is not a accurate measure of infidelity. We believe that the only way you and your guy can get to the bottom of issues such as this would be through a good, honest, face-to-face conversation. Should you discover your relationship is suffering from issues like infidelity or mistrust, we strongly recommend making full use of your emotional support systems and/or considering consultation with a counselor or therapist.

(Photo by Katie Tegetmeyer via Flickr Creative Commons)

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