sexandsensibilities.com

Taken from "Batang Ina", a photo exhibit on teenage pregnancy by Cristina Luisa Sevilla

By: Nicai de Guzman, SAS Youth Correspondent

“Shit!!!”

That was the first thought that came to Tina’s* mind when she found out she was pregnant. She was 18 and was just starting her freshman year in a prestigious university.

She already had a hunch that she was pregnant because she and her partner didn’t use protection. All she had to do was buy one of those pregnancy kits from a drugstore to confirm her fears.

“Being young then, abortion crossed my mind, but I never really got around to doing it. Morality aside, I knew from the start that I couldn’t do it. There was life already inside me,” she said.

She filed a leave of absence and told her parents. They were emotional, but accepted her situation.

“I remain thankful to this day that they didn’t kick me out,” she said. “They were disappointed, but they loved and supported me all the more because they knew that I needed it, most especially then.”

The absent father

The baby’s father was naturally shocked, but supporting  – at first, Tina said.

“He asked if I could live with him, so he can take care of me better. My parents didn’t want that, because he didn’t have a good-paying job. So I lived with my family. In hindsight, my parents were right,” she said.

As her parents anticipated, the father of her baby only remained in contact with her during the pregnancy and the first few weeks after it. Earning only minimum wage, he didn’t regularly help out with her pregnancy and their baby’s expenses, explained Tina.

“Others would argue that he should be giving money, even if it’s little by little. But no, I never demanded that because I understand,” she said.

New life with the baby

When she went back to school, she also had to deal with balancing her time with her daughter, time for academic requirements, time for her part-time job, time for friends and later on, her new boyfriend.

“I had to forgo going out with friends. I can go out with them, but it was seldom because I had to go home right away,” she said.  “I had a boyfriend when I went back to college. Even with him, time was constrained, as well. I could only stay a few hours after school, so I can be with him.”

Even with all the people in her life she had to make time for, Tina also managed to become a writer for their school publication.

“Maybe it all boils down to this: if you love something (or someone), you’ll make time for it. I love my daughter, I love my school. Even if I’m really stressed, I make it a point to give my daughter quality time,” she said.

“Sometimes, I would rather stay with my daughter at home than write my papers. I love my school too, but I love my daughter more. So it’s also a matter of what your priorities are. My daughter is definitely first. I have to drop whatever it is I’m doing, if my baby needs attention,” she said.

Now that Tina has graduated, she is working full-time to support her daughter.

“Back in college, she was my inspiration. She motivated me to finish my studies. I dedicated my thesis to her. Even now, she’s the one motivating me. I want to be successful for her, I want to be able to provide for her, and I want to be a good mom for her until she grows up. She’s like my North Star —always pointing me to the right direction, so I won’t be lost,” she said.

She’s grateful that she was able to finish her degree and graduate, and has been able to find a job to continue supporting her child. Things could have been a lot worse, she says.

A source of continued disappointment is that her baby’s father does not communicate with her and their child regularly, to the point that their child doesn’t recognize her own father, during the rare visits.

“During the few times that he visited, my daughter’s first question would always be, ‘Who is he?’” she said.

“I want my daughter to be given a chance to get to know her father. That’s what I would want, if I were in her place,” she said. “I won’t remind him to make an effort for us. If he wants his own daughter to know him, he should make the move.”

Tina is just one of the many young Filipina mothers, who are not only facing the judgment of society, but also managing the pressures of raising a child.

According to the 2002 Young Adult Fertility and Sexuality Study by the University of the Philippines Population Institute (UPPI), 26 percent of Filipino youth nationwide from ages 15 to 25 have had premarital sex.

The 1998 National Demographic and Health Survey (NDHS) reveals that 3.6 million teenagers got pregnant. In 92 percent of these teens, the pregnancy was unplanned, and the majority, 78 percent, did not use contraceptives the first time they had sex.

Fasttrack to 10 years later – the numbers still haven’t changed much.

The 2008 NDHS shows that 2 percent of young women had sexual intercourse by age 15, while 17 percent of young women had sexual intercourse by age 18. Only 4 percent of young women age 15-24 used a condom during first sexual intercourse.

Teenage pregnancy among the middle class youth can be the start of a cycle of inter-generational poverty.  Girls are expelled from their Catholic schools; others stop going to school altogether to work. Because of the inadequate educational attainment and perhaps age, jobs are limited.

Tina was lucky. Tina’s decision to keep her baby indeed changed her life radically and she was prepared for this decision that demanded more than just giving birth.

“The fact that you chose to keep your child means you’re responsible for him or her,” she said. “It can be overwhelming and frustrating at times, but at the end of the day, the joy of being a mother outweighs all that.”

*-not her real name