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Hidden Reason # 4: You’re unconsciously sending mixed signals to the opposite sex

by Aileen Santos

We’ve all been guilty of this at one time or another; some of us are even more prone to this than others.

Here’s an example: You take extra care with the way you look before going to a party or an event, and deep inside you’re harboring the secret wish for people to “Notice me! Notice me!”

But then when you get there your body language tells people how uncomfortable you are, and you end up either sending the signal  ”wanting to hide.” or “nothing interesting here pal, so just move on.”

Here’s another example: For some time now you’ve known that you want to find a good man or woman to be in a relationship with. Or maybe you’re even a step more advanced than that: you know you want to get married and have a family of your own.

But for some reason, you don’t really believe that “men and women can be best friends.” Or – on your next night out with your pals – you find yourself whole heartedly agreeing (lamenting?) that “all the good ones are taken,” that “men cannot commit,” or that “women will just use you then leave you.”

Mixed signals.

The problem with these mixed signals isn’t just that people of the opposite sex always pick up on them.

More importantly, they often mean that you still have a lot of inner conflicts about love and relationships that you need to resolve.

Many people who had these mixed signals / conflicted feelings about love often ended up unconsciously sabotaging their happiness even when they were already in very good, loving relationships with an amazing partner.

This is because they were literally “at war” with themselves about it, and a basic law of human nature is that “whatever’s happening on the inside will naturally create an effect on the outside.”

What you can do about Hidden Obstacle #4:

Whenever I coach people who turn out to be sending these mixed signals, I usually find that they have one thing in common: They are often unconsciously relating with other people through their hurts, not their hearts.

On one hand their hearts were clearly telling them “You want to be loved, and you are worthy of love.”

But their hurts had the stronger voice, and were practically shouting “You cannot trust anyone, you ended up being hurt before, and that’s just what’s going to happen again!”

These hurts are real, and they do take time to heal.

If you suspect that this is the obstacle that’s keeping you from finding real happiness in your relationships, then one of the best things you can do for yourself is to get into a counseling relationship (or at the very least attend a self-awareness workshop or retreat) in order to start the healing process.

There’s no shame in asking for help when you know you need it. In fact, the very act of reaching out to someone else for support is already incredibly therapeutic: You are already telling yourself in a very clear way that you are worthy of love, because you’ve taken this huge step of loving yourself.

Besides, one of the most tragic things that I’ve seen happen in otherwise amazing relationships was when one or both partners had unresolved wounds that came in between them, and they ended up “punishing” each other for hurts that had been inflicted on them by other people in their past.

I hope you never get to this point in your life, because even the most awesomely loving and patient partners can get hurt enough to be pushed away, too.

Aileen Santos is a Certified Professional Coach with a Master’s Degree in Counseling. She is also the author of “Seduction Secrets That Really Work! (A Novel)” which follows the story of call center agent Celine Anne Sison as she TRANSFORMS herself from shy?and?lonely single girl into irresistible man magnet.